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Date: Sun, 06 Jun 2004 23:26:47 -0400
Subject: [ASC] NEW TOS: The Lost Years: Dirty Secrets 3/3 [PG-13] Slayer Series
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Forwarded by the ASC-VSO 
Posted: 5 Jun 2004 19:43:52 -0700  
In: alt.startrek.creative 
From: djinn@djinnslair.com (Djinn) 
 

TITLE: The Lost Years: Dirty Secrets (Slayer Series)
AUTHOR: Djinn
CONTACT: djinn@djinnslair.com http://www.djinnslair.com
SERIES: TOS
RATING: PG-13
CODES: Ch, K, U, Others
PART: 3/3
SUMMARY: The eighth in the Lost Years series.



Kirk tried to concentrate on creating fire, tried to become one with
the element.  It wasn't working.  "Why are we doing this?"

"Because we are waiting for your slayer to get here."  Weasel gave him
a sharp look.  "This is to distract you.  Now, pay attention."

Kirk stared at his hand, saw fire begin to grow, forming a glowing
sphere just inches from his skin.  Then his eyes were drawn again to
the entrance.  Where the hell was Chris?

"Will you stop looking at the door?  We can go out and look for her if
you're that worried."  Weasel swatted the small fireball out of Kirk's
hand.  It exploded as it fell to the ground.  "Mac, you are really off
your game."

"Something's wrong."  Kirk sat down in the chair, then immediately
felt guilty.  What if Chris was hurt?  Why the hell was he sitting
down?  He pushed himself back up.  "I've got to go find her."

He headed for the door, then backed up as Nogura suddenly pushed it
open.

Weasel's head shot up.  "Heihachiro.  I don't recall inviting you
here."

"I don't need an invitation.  I'm not a vampire.  Did you really think
a Caverimics Shield would keep me out?  I'm surprised at you, Nathan."

Kirk looked at Weasel and mouthed, "Nathan?"

Weasel scowled.  Deeply.

Nogura held up a hand.  "Oh, I'm sorry.  Were you still going by that
rodent name?  What was it?  Muskrat?  Opossum?"

"Weasel."

"Of course.  How apt."  Nogura leaned against the doorframe.  "We need
to talk, Jim."

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Yes, I figured you'd feel that way.  That's why I brought her with
me."  He reached back, pulled Chris into view.

Her shirt was torn and covered with blood.  She was walking under her
own power, but she seemed shaky.

"What have you done?"  Kirk stalked forward, not sure exactly what he
was going to do but ready to do it with everything he had.

Chris stepped between them.  "Jim.  He didn't do anything."

Nogura coughed softly.

"Well"--she sighed--"actually, he saved my life."

"_He_ did?"

She nodded, then groaned and reached out for the doorjamb as if to
steady herself.  "Can I sit down, please?"

Kirk pushed Nogura away from her, then helped her to a chair.

"I'm okay, nothing broken.  Just badly bruised," she whispered as she
touched her neck, just a fleeting dip of her fingers.

He frowned.  Had Nogura noticed the necklace?

"All okay," she said again, smiling. 

He could feel his expression clear.  "I'm glad to hear it."  He
smiled, knew the look was full of worry.

She sighed as she sat.  "God, I'm tired."

He knelt down, peeled her shirt back where it was torn, expecting to
see a nasty wound.  Her skin was unmarked.

"You can thank me for that, Jim," Nogura said softly.

Chris nodded.

Kirk looked over at him.  "What is this?  Some kind of game?  Put her
in danger, then be the hero so we trust you?"

She touched his shoulder.  "Not him.  Lori did this."  She held his
eyes, nodded slowly.  "She thought she could call the Kirsu slayers if
she put me in danger.  She's desperate."

"You're sugarcoating it, Doctor.  Put you in danger?  You were well on
your way to being dead."  Nogura moved into the room, studying
everything.  "Quite the place you've got here, Nathan."

"Yeah, well, it's home."

Nogura chuckled.  It was a nasty sound.  "Whether you like it or not."

Weasel didn't say anything, but his face tightened.  

Nogura put his hands behind his back, turned to face them all.  "We
have a problem, people."

"You have a problem," Kirk said.

"Lori is a problem for all of us.  I don't understand what she wants
with Kirsu.  Not that it wasn't a good idea, original thinking on her
part."  He seemed to ignore the twin glares Kirk and Chris sent him.  
"But if she'd been doing it for me...for us, then she'd have come out
when I called."  He shook his head.

Chris leaned forward.  "You really don't get it?  Whose fault do you
think it is that she wants Kirsu so bad?"

Nogura looked at her quizzically.  

"I've seen what you've done to her.  To her kind.  I've been there." 
She pointed her finger at him, as if with it, she could make her words
stronger, her emotions more clear.

They were very clear already.  To Kirk anyway.

"Been where?"  Nogura asked.

"The pens."

All expression faded from his face.  "The what?"

"The pens.  The pens under your beautiful house and your pristine
fields of irises...and wolfsbane.  The pens where you torture
werewolves.  Where you kill innocent people."

He walked over to her, stared down at her as if she were delusional. 
"My family's methods may be harsh at times, but they've been proven
over the centuries.  And I don't kill innocent people."

"You killed Carl," Kirk shot out and immediately wished he hadn't.

Nogura turned to him.  "Yes.  I did.  I had to."

"Why?"

"He was working for the enemy, Jim.  He was working for the Romulans. 
Their program is quite advanced.  Psychic observation, a breeding
program to increase magical potential, perfecting methods of
telepathic invasion.  You name it, they're studying it--hell, they're
doing it.  And he was helping them."

"Carl?"  Jim knew his look was full of disgusted shock.  "Carl Richter
was never working for them.  He was onto you and your hunt for Kirsu,
and you killed him for it.  Because he got too close."

"My god, Jim, he was my friend.  Our friend.  You know how highly I
thought of him.  It killed me when Lori found proof that he--" 
Nogura's face went white, and he closed his eyes.  "When Lori found
proof."  He opened his eyes, looked at Kirk.  "It was good evidence. 
Rock solid.  I demanded that.  He was...he was my friend."

"You're saying Lori's to blame," Chris said, her voice full of scorn.

Nogura turned to her.  He seemed not to have heard the scorn, only the
words.  "Yes, that's it.  So much that's gone wrong lately.  I didn't
see it.  I didn't want to see it.  I trusted her."

"Why were you looking for her earlier if you trusted her?"  Kirk shook
his head.  Too much didn't hold water.  He glanced at Chris.  She
didn't look convinced either.

"Because she's been missing.  I was worried.  I thought something had
happened to her.  I thought the Romulans--"

"--Enough with the damned Romulans.  They aren't a threat."  Kirk
wanted to punch Nogura, make him pay for what he'd done.  Carl had
died--been murdered...because of this man's obsession with the
Romulans.

"If Lori wants to get away from you, it's entirely understandable." 
Chris shot him a look filled with loathing.

"Did Lori take you to the pens?"

She didn't want to answer; Kirk could see it in her face.

"Of course she did."  Nogura began to pace.  "What is she playing at?"
 He pulled out a communicator, spoke softly but never stopped pacing. 
"I need a flitter.  Yes, at my coordinates.  Come at once.  There'll
be three of us."  He closed the communicator.  "You need to see the
pens again.  You need to see them through new eyes."

"I saw them fine the first time."

"No, you saw what she wanted you to see."  Nogura smiled.  "Did she
show you mainly women?  Girls?  With no choice in the matter?"

Chris glared at him.

"She did.  She knew you'd resonate with that.  Your dislike of the
watcher-slayer system is well known to us.  She just cast me in the
role of watcher for you, didn't she?"

Kirk moved closer to Chris.  "She knows what she saw."

"Trompe L'Oeil.  I'm sure you know the reference?  When the eye is
tricked, the brain does not question."  He knelt down, seemed to be
putting himself at Chris's mercy--although with the non-violence spell
in place, neither of them was in any danger.

"I know what I saw," she said, but this time she didn't sound
convinced.

"Look again.  With new knowledge."  Nogura's eyes were steely.  He
pushed himself up.  "The flitter should be here soon.  We should go."

Kirk looked at Chris.  "We don't have to.  If you don't feel up to
it."

She pushed herself out of the chair.  "I want to believe her."  She
shot a look at Nogura.  "I want to not believe him."  She shook her
head.  "But the way she told the vampire to kill me.  It was cold,
Jim.  So cold."  She seemed to be realizing something, looked up at
him, her eyes filled with anger.  "And she looked just fine.  Not
haggard, or sick.  She wasn't being poisoned.  That was for our
benefit."  She turned to Nogura.  "A glamour, to make us think she was
in danger.  Because you weren't attacking her, were you?"

"No.  I told you; I was looking for her."

"Let's go," Chris said, sounding utterly exhausted.  She pushed past
Nogura, headed up the stairs.

Nogura started to go, but Kirk grabbed his arm.  Nogura looked down at
it, then back up at Kirk.  "Jim, if you aren't careful--"

"--I talk now, not you."  He moved closer.  "If you've hurt her in any
way, I swear I'll kill you."

"I saved her.  What part of that is so difficult for you to
understand?"  Nogura seemed to stand straighter.  The boss.  His boss.
 "Now, take your hand off me before I get very, very angry."

Kirk let him go.

Nogura turned and strode out.

Kirk looked at Weasel.  "You never said you knew him."

"You never asked."  Weasel shrugged.  "The magical community's a small
one.  And Nogura's a powerful man."

"And an evil one."

"He's driven.  He's focused.  And he can do evil things.  But I'm not
wholly certain he's evil."  Weasel sighed.  "Jim, I know it's hard to
accept, but not everything is black or white."

"He killed my friend."

"And there'll be consequences for that.  Cosmic...karmic
consequences."  Weasel shook his head.  "It's just...I'm not in much
of a position to judge him.  Because he's not the one being punished
by The Powers, now is he?"  Before Kirk could answer, Weasel pushed
him toward the door.  "You better catch up.  Christine needs you. 
She's very weak."

There were a hundred things Kirk wanted to ask him, and there was no
time.  He hurried out the door and up the stairs to where Nogura
waited for him.  Chris was already sitting in the back, her head
tilted back, eyes closed.  He crawled into the back with her.  She
moved, leaning her head against his shoulder.  He put his arm around
her.

"Touching," Nogura said, as he climbed into the front and closed the
door.

It was the only thing any of them said during the entire trip.

----------------------------

Christine felt Jim's arm tighten around her, didn't tell him how much
he was hurting her back.  She shifted slightly, trying to get
comfortable, and a sharp pain shot up her spine.

She didn't realize she'd moaned until Jim said softly, "Can I help?"

She shook her head quickly, didn't want to draw attention to how much
pain she was in.

"I helped Emma."

She opened her eyes.  He was staring at her with such tender concern.

She smiled, a small, pained smile.  "You never told me that."

"I just thought of it.  I didn't set out to help her; it was sort of
by accident.  I felt so bad for her.  Maybe I can help you too?"  He
pushed her slightly forward, let his hand drop down her back.  "Is it
here?"

Somehow his hand went right to where she'd connected with the stone. 
She imagined she had a huge bruise blossoming as the blood pooled
underneath her skin.  "It's a shooting pain, radiating out from
there."

They were talking so low the words were barely more than breath.  She
saw Nogura lean back, as if he were trying to hear them.

Leave us alone, she wanted to yell at him.  But she didn't.

Finally Nogura started talking to the driver; his words didn't carry
into the back.

Jim pressed his hand down on her back, moving it gently.  "I can feel
it," he whispered.  "The pain is right here."

He pushed down a little harder and she flinched.  Then the pain
receded, as if pushed behind a wall.  It wasn't gone, but it hurt so
much less that she almost cried out in relief.

She looked up at him.  

"Better?" he asked.

She nodded.  Smiled at him.  What was she going to do without him? 
Soon she'd be leaving Earth, leaving him.  So soon.  Too soon.

He seemed to feel what she was thinking.  "No more patrols.  No more
hurt backs."

"No more you," she whispered.

He swallowed hard, nodded.  "I know."

She felt tears, knew she was weak and that the weakness was making her
overly emotional.  She nestled back against him, felt him pull her
closer.  She closed her eyes again.  Let go and drifted, hovering
somewhere just north of sleep.

She felt the flitter slow, then land.  Opening her eyes, she saw that
they had arrived at Nogura's.  Taking a deep breath, she followed Jim
out of the flitter.

Jim stood staring at the iris fields.  

Nogura followed his gaze.  "They bother you.  Why?"

"I sensed them.  From Carl's body.  That day in your office.  They
were a clue...a link.  To you."

"Ah."

Jim turned to him, his expression angry again.  "That day in your
office you tried to force me to do what you wanted.  I know about the
spell."

Nogura shrugged.  "I was only nudging you toward what you already
want."  He gestured toward her.  "A woman who loves you--who you
obviously care for.  Your son in your life.  Was my spell so heinous?"

"Free will.  It's crucial."

"If you say so."    

"How could you kill him?"  Jim's lips snapped tightly together.  

Nogura seemed to sigh.  "Carl _was_ my friend."

Christine laughed bitterly.  When Nogura turned to look at her, she
said, "I hope to god that I'm never one of your friends."

He did not react, just stared at her coldly.  

She held her ground.  She wasn't the bad guy.  "I thought we were here
to see the pens," she finally said, tiring of their stare down.

"Of course." He motioned them toward the stable.  

She followed him, Jim trailing behind.  She knew he'd taken flank so
he could watch out for her, loved him for it.  They walked down the
stairs and went through the metal door.  The pens looked just the
same.

She heard Jim gasp.  The enormity, the sheer scale.  "What is this
place for?"

"It's where we teach werewolves to control the change," Nogura said. 
"We use a form of conditioning built from pain and reward.  We've been
very successful with it."

"Define success?"  Christine saw the little girl that had been
haunting her thoughts, hurried down the stairs toward her.

She was still in the same pen.  As Christine got closer, the child
charged at her, growling even though she was in human form.

"Honey, it's okay."  

The girl lunged at her hand.  Only slayer reflexes--and she barely had
those tonight--allowed her to get her hand out of the cage before the
girl bit her.  The child threw herself against the bars over and over.

Christine backed up several steps.

"We found her in Estonia.  An orphaned werewolf.  Apparently raised by
some Criagan demons.  Have you ever come up against one of those?"

Christine nodded.  It had been a long time ago.  But she would never
forget how vicious the thing had been.

"She's completely unsocialized.  Has no human speech, but is fluent in
Criagan and a few other demon languages.  She's quite dangerous,
because as you know, it only takes one bite.  We kept her muzzled for
the first six months.  This is, believe it or not, an improvement."

"I saw one of your people torturing her."

"The cattle prod is, at times, the only thing that gets through to
them.  And when they're in wolf form, it doesn't hurt them as much as
you might think."

"She wasn't in wolf form."

"Well, she's barely human even when she's not."  He watched the little
girl sadly.  "She may be unreachable.  This may be as good as it
gets."

"And then what?  You kill her?  Like you did that woman?"

Nogura turned to her.  "What woman?"  He seemed genuinely confused.

Christine led them to the pen that had held the woman.  She pointed to
the window.  Past it was the other pen.  "You had a man there--a new
arrival who had been uncooperative.  The woman was here.  You had
pumped her full of aconite so she couldn't change.  You were going to
let him change and kill her.  Then you were going to show him the
recordings of what he'd done to her.  You'd keep showing them until he
gave in, until he let you train him.  But the woman...you killed her. 
Because she wasn't good enough at controlling the change."

"That's quite a story."  He turned, motioned to a woman in a gray
coat.  "Tsuya, who was in this pen during the last full moon?"

"The Larssons."

"Ah.  Of course.  They're still here?"

She nodded.  "Ilka's upstairs."

"Have her come down."  

The woman turned away.  Nogura led them through the facility,
explaining the technique, how the werewolves were taught to resist the
change.  It was harsh.  Cruel even.  Pain was an effective means of
breaking through, of forcing control.

"I've heard of another way," Christine said, remembering what Emma had
said.  "Herbs, meditation."

"The Osbourne method?" Nogura sneered.  "Their control is not perfect.
 Heavy emotion gets through too easily because the control is
voluntary.  My way conditions the response.  It becomes instinctual,
habit.  Not a choice.  Just the way it is."

"A nice argument for pain," Christine said.

"I don't enjoy inflicting pain."

"Right.  Tell me, Admiral, how many times have you picked up that
cattle prod?"

"That's not the issue."

"I think it is."  

"Sir?"  A soft voice sounded behind them.  "You wanted to see me?"

Christine turned, and gasped.  It was the woman Lori had said was to
be killed.  She looked very much alive.

She looked at Christine curiously.  Smiled at her, but her smile died
when Christine didn't react.  "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, Ilka.  You did not.  Please tell my visitors why you were in the
pen, and why Ulf was in the adjoining one?"

She smiled.  "I'm learning to perfect my control.  Even if my husband
changes, I need to be able to resist."

"Perfect it?" Jim asked softly.  "You're not good enough?"

She shook her head.  "If it were just me...but I'm going to get
pregnant."

"My god," Christine made an incredulous sound and turned on Nogura. 
"So they have to prove themselves worthy to be part of your breeding
program?"

"My what?"

The woman was staring at Christine like she'd lost her mind.  "I can't
afford to endanger the baby."  She looked at Nogura, as if wondering
why she had to talk to these particular guests.

He grimaced at her.  "Explain it to them."

"Ulf and I want to have a baby.  It will be difficult to not change
during the pregnancy--the hormones...they make it very hard to resist.
 And aconite--wolfsbane--will harm the baby.  So I must get better at
controlling it.  Without any help.  We're working on that now."

"I don't understand.  Will changing harm the baby?" Jim asked.

Ilka nodded.  "Some of us are born werewolves.  It's because our
mothers changed while carrying us.  If the mother can resist, the baby
will be free of the curse.  It's what we all hope for."  She laughed. 
"Those of us who like the modern ways, anyway."

Nogura looked at her.  "What do you mean by that?"

She looked suddenly nervous.  "I just mean, I'd rather be human than
the wolf."

"No," Nogura moved closer.  "You meant something else.  What?"

Ilka's cheeks flushed; she took a step back.  "There's a movement
among some of us.  A reversion to the wolf side.  Primitive.  Not
under control."

"Who leads it?"

She looked down.

His hand jerked out, wrenched her head back up.  "Who?"

Christine pulled his hand away.  "Lori said she was alpha."

Ilka laughed, her eyes darting to Nogura as if afraid he'd be offended
at her laughter.  "She's not my alpha.  I like being human.  I want my
baby to be free of this."

"Alpha."  Nogura turned away.  "Alpha?"  He ran his hand through his
hair, hard, almost spastically.  "I took her in.  I taught her
everything she knows about magic.  I treated her like a younger
sister.  She wanted for nothing.  And this is how she repays me?"

He turned on Ilka.  "What is she planning?"

"I don't know."  Ilka looked at Christine, as if asking her to
intervene again.  She must have seen something less than helpful in
Christine's face.  "They keep talking about this place where we would
be free of the change.  And from where we'd also be able to launch an
attack."  She held her hand up, as if afraid Nogura might hit her.
"It's crazy talk.  We laugh at them.  There's no such place.  And why
attack?  I'm glad I can control this."

"Where do they meet?"

"Ulf and I aren't part of it.  They only tell the ones who are loyal
where the safe place is."

"I know where it is," Christine said.  She looked at Jim.  He nodded.

"I'll take you there," she said, as she started up the stairs.

Nogura and Jim followed her up.  She tried to not look like she was
struggling to get back up the stairs.

How much blood had she lost?  

She felt a hand on her back.  "Lieutenant."

She turned.  

Nogura shook his head.  "You are too tired to go in there.  You will
get hurt.  I will take my own reinforcements."  He turned to Jim. 
"I'll have the driver take you back to town.  Or to Starfleet Medical
if you think that is necessary."

"I don't need a hospital," Christine said.  "And I'm fine."

Jim shook his head.  When she started to protest, he said, "Chris. 
No."

"Jim, I can do this."

"You may not need a doctor, but he is right.  You're too weak.  We'll
be no good to him."

She was about to shoot back an angry retort but he just shook his
head, a knowing smile on his face.  She sighed.  They both knew it was
an admission of defeat.

Jim turned to Nogura and told him where the restaurant was, how many
werewolves they'd seen there.  He explained about the shielding. 
She'd felt none of the things he was describing.

"If she's smart, she'll move them.  And Lori is nothing if not smart."
 Nogura spoke for a moment to his driver, then strode off.  Four of
the hooded figures that Christine had seen before appeared from out of
the bushes.  They followed Nogura to a larger flitter, climbed in. 
The flitter took off, heading back to town very fast.

"I wouldn't want to be Lori right now," she said.

Jim watched the flitter go.  "No.  Me neither."

She went to crawl into the back of the flitter but he stopped her. 
"Take the front," he said, as he slid into the back.  "It's easier to
get out of."

She smiled at him, settled in.  She was asleep before the flitter was
airborne.

-------------------------

"Sir?  Where to?"  The driver looked back at Kirk.

He gave him his address.  Chris could stay with him.  He wouldn't put
it past Lori to try to kill her again.  It had been a clever idea and,
but for Nogura, it might have worked.

He was still hazy on the details.  Chris would have to tell him.

The flitter landed gently in front of his building.  Chris woke on her
own, got out stiffly.  She looked at him curiously.

"You're staying here.  Safer."

"Oh.  Okay." 

He wasn't sure she cared; she just looked so terribly tired.

John was on duty.  He already had the door open for them.  "Good
night, sir, ma'am."

Kirk wondered if the elevator would ever come.  He punched the call
button again.

She touched his arm.  "Jim.  I'm okay.  I'm just a little banged up. 
And you were right.  I'm so tired."

He led her onto the elevator.  "I know.  I want to get you safely to
bed."

She laughed huskily, but without her normal energy.  "Sure.  I've been
waiting months to hear those words, and you pick tonight?"

He laughed, but he wasn't sure it was very convincing.  

They walked down the hall quietly, both aware of how late it was.  He
palmed open the door, then turned on the lights.  He could feel the
wards--he hadn't even been aware he'd put them on the place when he
first moved in.  That seemed like so long ago.  He sent out his magic,
strengthening them.  He would keep Chris safe.

She was heading for the couch but he turned her.  "The bed."

"With you."  She didn't make it a question.

He decided not to argue about it.  "Yes, with me."

"Mmmm."  She smiled, but it was a sleepy smile.  

He went into the closet, found a t-shirt and handed it to her.  Then
he slid her uniform top off of her, staying behind her.  The skin on
her back was scraped badly, and there was a bump around which a huge
bruise was already forming.  "Oh, Chris.  What happened?"

"She shot me with a dart filled with some kind of nerve agent.  I
couldn't move.  I couldn't fight.  He threw me onto a gravestone.  It
hurt.  A lot."  Her voice fell, became very small.  "I thought I was
going to die, Jim.  I would have died...except he came along."

"Put the t-shirt on," he whispered, waiting until she'd done it to
nudge her toward the bed.  "Does it still hurt?"

"It does.  But not as bad.  I heal fast.  You know that."  

"I can still help."

She looked over her shoulder at him.  "That'd be nice."  She crawled
onto the bed and lay down on her stomach.

He pulled the t-shirt back up and began to work on her back, trying to
help her, wanting to ease her pain more than anything.  She groaned
slightly, but in a good way.  He was helping.

"Thanks," she said, turning over. 

He pulled off her boots, then his own, and climbed into bed.  He
rolled to his side, watching her as she lay staring at the ceiling.

"Were you scared?"  He leaned in; their faces were very close.

She looked relieved that he had asked her.  "Yes."  Then she smiled,
turning her head slightly to look at him.  "But mostly I was pissed. 
He was a nothing vampire.  I couldn't believe I was gonna get taken
out by him."

He laughed.

"And I think she knew that.  I think she enjoyed having this nobody
vampire be the one to kill me.  Damn werewolf bitch."

"That's not much of an insult in her case, is it?" he asked.

"Probably not."

He laughed again, just a soft chuckle.  Mostly out of relief.  That
she was okay.  That his boss, while an obsessive, dangerous,
megalomaniac, was probably not evil incarnate.  He had saved Chris. 
Kirk would always be grateful.

"What are you thinking?"  Her eyes were so soft, half closed.  Her
voice was low and a bit hoarse.

"How empty my life would be if anything happened to you."

She stared up at him.  Then she reached for him, pulling him down.  

He was kissing her before he could think better of it.  Kissing her
and gently rubbing her arm, afraid to lean too much, that he'd be too
heavy and hurt her.

He knew he should stop the kiss.  Knew he should pull away.  It took
him a long time to do so.  "Chris," he said, shaking his head.

She gave him a guilty smile.  "I'm weak and hurt.  I have no
self-control tonight."

"No?"

"No."  

She pulled him down to her again, but he resisted and she didn't try
to force it.

"Hold me?" she said softly.

He gathered her up in his arms, relishing the feel of her against him,
her warmth, and the way her hand snaked slowly around his waist.

What would he have done if she had died?

What was he going to do once she shipped out?

He sighed.

"What?"

He shook his head.

She sighed then.

Would she find someone else?  Some other man to love her.  To hold her
like this.

Kirk thought he would hate that man.

He wasn't sure if he didn't hate himself right now.

He sighed, louder this time.  And longer.

She started to move away.  "I'm sorry.  I'll go sleep on the couch."

He held her, careful not to hurt her.  "It's okay."  He let go of her.
 "Unless you want to sleep on the couch.  Do you?"

She shook her head.

"Then sleep here.  I'm fine.  It's just been a weird night."

She nodded.  

"I think a visit to our friends Chekov and Sulu is in order."

She looked up at him, her eyebrows providing the question.

He smiled.  "Silver bullets.  I have guns that can fire them; we just
have to make some bullets." He felt better already.  They had a plan. 
Plans were good.

"Do we need that if the werewolves are in human form?"

"I don't know.  I guess Nogura would know."

"I guess so."  She snuggled closer.  "I still don't trust him.  He's
not going to give up on Kirsu.  Ever.  He's obsessed with those
Romulans."

"I know."

But Nogura had still saved Chris.  That made him all right in Kirk's
book.

"Doesn't it seem like everything's a lie?"  She sounded so forlorn.

"I know one thing that isn't a lie."  He laid his hand over her heart.
 "You're not a lie."

She put her hand over his.  "I love you.  That's not a lie either." 

"Chris, I--"  He stopped when she put her fingers over his lips.  

"I don't expect you to do anything about what I just said.  It's just
that it's true.  And I wanted to say it."

He brushed back her hair, fiercely, almost too hard.  She frowned a
bit.

He'd never wanted a woman more than he did her.  He wondered if she
could see that in his eyes, in the way he was touching her.

She smiled ruefully.  "You sure you don't want me on the couch?"

He laughed, closed his eyes.  "I'm sure."

She moved her hand, found his.  Their fingers twined as if that was
their natural state.  She fell asleep, her breathing changing,
becoming more solid, deeper.

When he was sure she was out, he whispered, "I love you too."

FIN

--
Forwarded to ASCL by:
Stephen Ratliff
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