Path: newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net!stamper.news.atl.earthlink.net!elnk-atl-nf1!newsfeed.earthlink.net!newsswing.news.prodigy.com!prodigy.net!prodigy.com!border1.nntp.dca.giganews.com!nntp.giganews.com!newshosting.com!nx02.iad01.newshosting.com!yellow.newsread.com!bad-news.newsread.com!news-toy.newsread.com!netaxs.com!newsread.com!POSTED.newshog.newsread.com!not-for-mail Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated Approved: ascem@earthlink.net Organization: Better Living Thru TrekSmut Sender: ascem@earthlink.net Message-ID: <1cf.2d51abb7.2ee29653@aol.com> From: Istannor@Aol.com MIME-Version: 1.0 Mailing-List: list ASCEML@yahoogroups.com; contact ASCEML-owner@yahoogroups.com Subject: New: TOS : A Higher Duty: PG: 23/28 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=US-ASCII Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Lines: 399 Date: Sat, 04 Dec 2004 05:55:20 GMT NNTP-Posting-Host: 209.198.142.218 X-Complaints-To: Abuse Role , We Care X-Trace: newshog.newsread.com 1102139720 209.198.142.218 (Sat, 04 Dec 2004 00:55:20 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sat, 04 Dec 2004 00:55:20 EST Xref: news.earthlink.net alt.startrek.creative.erotica.moderated:85923 X-Received-Date: Fri, 03 Dec 2004 21:55:35 PST (newsspool2.news.atl.earthlink.net) Title: A Higher Duty Author: Istannor Contact: Istannor@aol.com Series: TOS Rating: PG13 for violence Part: 23/28 Codes:TOS Summary: This is set during the second 5 year voyage of the Starship Chapter 23 Spock went. Darkness, cold, numbing cold, echoes, loneliness. Still he went. Renna's strength buoyed him and he passed where he had gone before with ease. Darkness, cold, despair, pain, regret. Finally, he saw something ahead. He smelled a breeze filled with the odor of cut hay. He rushed for it with all the hope of a desperate man. Suddenly, he was...where? Over the hill, he could see the farm where Jim had grown up. He was in a field that stretched as far as the eye could see. The great blue sky of the plains stretched above him and a summer sun beat down on his back. He felt warmed and good, it made him smile, almost. He had spent many leaves at Jim's farm. They were times of remembered pleasure. Sitting in the wheat fields was a barely seen head jutting just above it. The hair was the color of the wheat. Spock called: "Jim." He began to run towards the person he saw hidden among the fields. He stopped in dismay. A boy stood up and looked his way. "Hey, who are you?" The boy walked over to Spock. He was a tow-headed, hazel eyed small figure with a wide-open grin of welcome. Spock's heart skipped as he recognized Jim's own renowned grin in the boy. "My name is Spock." When the boy got closer Spock could hear an audible gasp. "My name is James Tiberius Kirk. You can call me Jimmy. You're a Vulcan." He rattled on excitedly. "I've never met a Vulcan before. Is it true that you are dedicated to logic, and you can read minds, and that you are stronger than humans, and...." "Perhaps it would be more efficient if you allowed me an opportunity to answer." Spock interjected as the excited boy stopped for a breath. "Okay, okay, you're right. Grandpa says: I ask too many questions anyway, sorry. I just want to know," the boy held his arms wide like he could grab the world, "everything." Spock could not help but smile at the boy's enthusiasm. How like Jim he was, even at this age. "The answers to your questions are, yes, yes, yes, and I believe the last answer is yes, also." "Great. Tell me all about Vulcan. I can read Vulcan you know, and write it some. I have trouble talking it, though." "Speaking it." "Yeah, that too." He sat done in a sprawl; the smile never left his face. "Are you always this friendly with strangers?" "Grandpa says strangers are just friends you haven't made yet. So, I figure since we are already introduced like, we are new friends. See?" "I see." Spock sat down beside him , unsure of how to begin. This was outside of his experience. This mental landscape was detailed and real to the boy before him. He had to proceed cautiously. "I have come looking for someone. I would like your assistance." "You want the grown-up." "How did you know?" Spock lifted his eyebrow, surprised at the boy's easy read of him, so like the adult. "Hunch, leastwise that's what grandpa calls it. I just know. Like I know that you know me, even though I've never met you before, and that the grown-up needs you." "Fascinating. Have you always been able to "just know," as you call it?" "Forever, but don't tell anybody. Grandpa says that will make people nervous, so we just call it hunches. I probably shouldn't tell you, but I don't think you will tell on me. Will you?" "You have my word." "See, when I'm looking at stuff, or listening to stuff, its like a part of my mind is taking it all in and storing it. Then, when I need it, I start to see it in my head like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Stuff starts just coming together, until it all fits. So suddenly, I just know. Does that make any sense?" "Actually, it was quite illuminating, thank-you." "Good, well if you are looking for the grown-up, he's gone." "Gone where? "That way." As Jimmy pointed, a swirling maelstrom materialized in front of Spock. The sight of it made him faintly nauseous. Fear, pain, and despair radiated from it. "I don' t think you want to go there, it looks like a horrible place. "When the grown-up started to go there, I stayed here. I didn't like the feel of that place." Spock could see the faint trail of the link going into the swirling madness in front of him. "That is precisely where I must go." "Ah, darn, can't you stay and talk just a little longer? I want to find out more stuff about Vulcan." "I promise you, Jimmy, one day you will travel among the stars as if you owned them, and know more about Vulcan than almost any other human. Vulcan will welcome you as a son." "Neat," He said as he exhaled loudly with his hazel eyes wide open in wonder. "Oh, great." He jumped up and shouted full of joyful enthusiasm. "I am going to be on a starship one day, and I'll see everything. Bye, Mr. Spock, I have to go tell Grandpa, Mom, Sam, and EVERYBODY." Spock left him doing cartwheels in the fields shouting his happiness to all who would hear, as he walked to the whirlpool in front of him. That joyful child was the essence of Kirk's sanity. That child was the last time James Kirk had probably been truly happy, and innocent. That was James Kirk before the death of his Grandfather and his Father, and before Tarsus. "Renna, " he sent? "I am here, Spock." "I think I have located the Captain, but it is through a construct that does not allow me to see what is on the other side. Do you sense it?" "I do. I have not seen it's like either." "Do you think you can still anchor me?" "Or I will die trying, Spock. Go, I am with you." Spock stepped through a wall of sensation. Pain, Agony, burning fear, abandonment, despair, pain beyond enduring, regret, loss, eternity, death comes release, escape pain, alone, shame, pain, escape. And, then he was through. He lay where he was, unable to move, almost unable to breathe. He trembled with the pain of all his T'hy'la had endured. When he finally was able to sit up and see, he could make out a faint figure, stretched out in front of him in the gloom. "Jim, JIM." He mentally shouted. He reached for the figure, with a mental leap, and when Spock looked down on him, it was as if Kirk was still on the tree in the forest of Cygni. His wounds ran red. A knife jutted from his broken body. He scarcely breathed. "Jim," he carefully, tenderly gathered him into his arms. "This is not you. You must wake up, do not believe this. We came in time. We found you. McCoy healed you. You are not alone. Jim, we did not abandon you. Do not die." Spock found himself rambling, using any words he could to bring him back, to make him respond. "You promised me. Jim. You gave me your oath. You can not leave me. You swore an oath." Spock held him, willing with all his might for some response, any response. Slowly. he sensed a change, grudging and small, "Spock...? You came." Kirk cracked his eyes open. "Yes, I came. I would never leave you. You have to come with me, before it is too late." "I can't, Spock," He whispered. "I'm so sorry I failed you. It hurts too bad to go back. They won; they broke me, and I can't go back." "They did not win. You did not tell them anything. You were not broken." "That's only because he didn't ask, T'hy'la." He sighed softly. " I would have told him anything to get him to stop. That's why I had to leave. I can't go back. I can't go through that again." "Jim," he held Kirk's head to his chest, "hear my thoughts. McCoy healed you; you will be whole again. We will work through this, as we have overcome everything in the past. Nothing can defeat us if we work together, not even this." "Spock," he groaned, "don't you understand, he broke my will, I ran. I can't return to command. How can I command anyone if I've been broken?" "How can you not. Do you think McCoy or I would care for you less, because someone has beaten you past endurance? Do you think the same crew that has followed you throughout the galaxy, and beyond, would lose respect for you, because you sought to escape pain? You insult and diminish us. Enough. You must choose. Either we stay here together, or we leave together. I will honor my oath, I will not leave without you." Silence flowed around them both, broken only by the occasional anguished breath from Kirk, who Spock held close to him, cradled in his protection. "Join with me, Jim. See my thoughts." He felt the first tentative brush of Jim's mind. "Come closer, feel me. You know I will not, can not lie to you. See the truth, Jim. It is time for us to go." "Spock, what if I let you down again? I do not want to fail you, fail my crew." There was a sense of great fatigue as if it was a struggle just to think those few thoughts. "T'hy'la, you will not, you have not, you can not. Jim, how have you let me down? Did you let me down when you rescued the Romulans, or, when you evaded two armed fliers? Was it when you went back to save the boy and the old man, and ended up being tortured for your efforts. Please, tell me what it is that you think you wrong. Tell me, so I can understand." Spock pled, and was not ashamed to do so. "You don't understand. You would never have broken. They would never have made you beg. I begged them to stop and they laughed. I would have given them anything to make them stop, that's why I knew I had to die, so I wouldn't tell, so I wouldn't fail. It wasn't from the pain; it was because I was going to tell them whatever they wanted. I left, and came here to die. Leave me alone; let me finish what I started." Jim turned his face away from Spock, refusing to look him in the eyes. "Look at me." Jim didn't, perhaps he couldn't, and Spock took his face in hands and forced Kirk to look at him. "Tell me where you see any judgement of from me. Tell me where you see any evidence that you are lessened in my eyes. Look at me," He shouted. "When I thought I had killed you on the sands of Vulcan, you did not judge me. When I stole your ship for Pike, you befriended me. When the spores possessed me, and only you were able to resist, you forgave me. When I abandoned you to flee to Gol, you took me back. I have learned everything I know about loyalty and friendship from you. Why is it you will not allow me to give to you that which you have willingly given me all these years? Why is it you will not trust me to do the same things for you? Why is it that you will not trust me to care for you as my one true brother? Trust me, Jim, please." "I do trust you, Spock, with all of my heart." He confessed. "It's me I don't trust anymore." "But I do, let that be enough for now. Come with me. Let us leave. We have too many things to do. We have too many stars we have not seen yet; too many worlds we have not visited. There is so much more to be done. We will travel farther than any Vulcan or Human ever has before us." "I am so tired." Kirk took a deep breath. "I am so tired of the fighting and the dying." The wait was agonizing for Spock " Kirk struggled to sit up, Spock pulled him up to lean back against the Vulcan's chest. "I still want to see everything. I still want to fly my lady. I still want to fall in love. I still want you by my side." Now, he felt Jim's hope, Jim's inner child, clearly breaking through like fragile crystal. "Together, Jim." Spock saw the first hint of his smile. Jim's limbs and face began to flow into their normal shape while Spock watched. His wounds closed seamlessly, the blood dried, then disappeared. His eyes opened fully for the first time, to look at Spock. "I'm guess I'm ready," Kirk whispered with remembered courage. "I want to go home." "Come with me, Jim. In this reality, we can fly." They flew. In their joined minds they soared, freed of their earthly forms. "Renna!" He shouted with his mind. "I'm here, Spock." "Help us find our way back." "I come." Renna was there. Spock and Kirk felt her surround them and give them strength. They burst through the whirlpool, through the remembered agony and despair. It no longer touched them. They flew out into the fields. The landscape swirled and shimmered around them. This time, instead of pain and abandonment, a sunny warmth and brightness, filled with rejoicing and the intensity of Kirk's intellect and passion enveloped them. Then, suddenly, they were free. Spock and Renna came out of the meld. Both bent their heads in exhaustion. They looked around, momentarily disoriented, and met each others eyes with a respect and trust born of trials passed. Then, they both looked at Kirk who took a great ragged breath and opened his eyes, slowly. "Spock, Renna?" His voice was the faintest whisper. "We're here, Jim, you're home." Spock stroked his cheek once, sending reassurance through the link. McCoy was at their side immediately, "Jim," he smiled, "welcome back." He leaned over and pushed the cowlick back from his best friend's forehead. "You got some nerve worrying us like that. Don't try to move yet. I'll let go of the restraints. I know how you hate to be tied down, Jim boy." McCoy's happiness made him babble. "Spock, don't just sit there like some damn statue, release the restraints on that side. You go to sleep, Jim. We'll be here when you wake up." Jim nodded almost, "Thanks, Bones, again," a faint smile graced his lips imperceptibly, before he fell back into a natural sleep of exhaustion. Spock moved to comply with the Doctor's orders. McCoy's acute emotionality was a sure sign of his loving concern. There was no way to avoid his wrath when he was in this state. It was easier to just comply and swiftly. Spock looked up at the sound of someone entering the room. Admiral Komack stood in the doorway. A look of barely controlled rage was written on his face. Spock looked a question at McCoy. "The Admiral objected to a Romulan melding with you and Jim." McCoy explained. "Unfortunately for him, only the Medical Head of Starfleet can override my Medical decision. She seems to be unavailable right now. Uhura couldn't find her, no matter how hard she tried." Dr. McCoy's face radiated innocence. Spock nodded his understanding of Uhura's atypical incompetence. He knew without asking further questions that the Admiral was going to demand some explanation. He prepared himself for the inevitable. "Admiral, if you will come with me, perhaps we can speak in private." "Mr. Spock, you had better have a damn good reason for your recent actions. If not, I know a very cold asteroid base on the far edge of hell, that needs a new science officer." Spock walked after him, tired almost to total exhaustion, but stepping lightly, at least for a Vulcan. Komack was nothing compared to his most recent battle. This one, at least, he had no doubt of the outcome. The door closed behind them and McCoy had his first opportunity to talk to Renna. "I thank you, Renna. What you have done is beyond the call of duty," "Sometimes, Doctor, a person must answer the call of a higher duty. Your Captain Jim brings out that desire in people. I have never felt braver or more invincible in my life. I can not imagine what it feels like to be around him all the time." "Sometimes, Renna, we feel just plain unbeatable. It can get to your head, if you don't watch it, though." He rocked back and forth on his heels with his hands clasped behind his back. His joy was so overwhelming, that Renna began to laugh. "Oh my, Doctor, this is better than I could have dreamed of. Don't ever let me wake up." Her laughter filled the sickbay. They sat companionably for hours and talked of mice, and men, and the stuff of dreams. 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