Trekiverse: Golden Os: 2006 Golden Os Dinner

A few days later, Stephen walked up to the podium in the John M. Ford Memorial Hall. He found it fitting that TSU would get a hall named after the writer who had written "How Much for Just the Planet?" It wasn't finished yet, but the large elvan hall that was the south wing of the building was ready enough to use. Six long tables had been brought in, and a temporary stage been placed on the north end of the building. The podium obviously wasn't supposed to be used in the room though. In fact it looked suspiciously like the one from his classroom.

The authors were already filling the tables, that is the ones that were not availing themselves of the bar that had been set up in the back. Over to the side of the stage, Marrissa hit a wine glass to get everyone's attention.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time to start. I notice many of you have already availed yourself of the bar. Appetizers are on there way. In the meantime, I believe you would like to start hearing of who won. Since we don't want to take as much time as last year, I've asked Marrissa to read the list of Next Generation winners ..."

Marrissa took the stage, dressed in a lovely long dress, which ran from hugging her breasts down to the floor. It was black, with the skirt open in the front to reveal the white underskirt, edged in a light blue ribbon. "I'm here today because Stephen has apparently made it impossible to attract most of the Next Generation crew. I couldn't even get Captain Picard to come, and I tried, so hard for that, as I knew he'd take this job from me. In any case, it is my duty to announce the winners for Next Generation."

Marrissa picked up the list of winners and began reading them off as instructed

HET
1st - Opening Hearts by Elorie Alton
2nd - Picard Game by Cait N.
2nd - The Beginning of Child’s Play by Mriana
2nd - The Second Time by Mandy

SLASH
1st - Exercise #93 by Taylor Dancinghands
2nd - Sur La Mer by Slasherfem
3rd - A Night at the Opeara’s by Slasherfem
3rd - In Vino Veritas by Slasherfem

OTHER
1st - Pain of a Child Lost by Mriana
2nd - A Night at the Opeara’s by Slasherfem
3rd - Spot the Captain by Charlene

PICARD/Q

.... as soon as the name "Q" escaped her mouth, she was immediately silenced, as a brilliant flash filled the room for a second. When it had dissipated, Q was standing beside Marrissa, leaning on the podium. "You're not about to announce that category without me?" he asked.

"Q, if you want, you can do the rest of the Next Generation," Marrissa replied. "It's not like the rest of them showed up." The young Star Fleet Officer was quite fed up.

"We can't have that, can we," Q said, and suddenly the incomplete balcony above had the entire Enterprise-D command crew on it. "I think they should at least watch, don't you?"

Marrissa nodded.

"Now, I believe we were about to announce the winner of the Picard/Q category ... and such beautiful stories they were ..." Q picked up the card and began to read.

1st - A Night at the Opeara’s by Slasherfem
2nd - In Vino Veritas by Slasherfem
3rd - Sur La Mer by Slasherfem

"It seems that Slasherfem ran the category ... I'll have to visit that author for inspirational purposes." Q looked around and found that Marrissa had snuck off the stage. "I might as well finish the rest of them so the waiters can deliver the appetizers ..."

RIKER/TROI
1st - Opening Hearts by Elorie Alton
2nd - Luck Be a Lady by Cait N.
3rd - The Beginning of Child’s Play by Mriana

OTHER HET
1st - The Second Time by Mandy
2nd - I is for Iconian by Cait N.
3rd - The Misplaced Enterprise Officer by Andrew Troy Keller
3rd - Younger Men by Charlene

OTHER SLASH
1st - Exercise #93 by Taylor Dancinghands
1st - Truly Home by T’Lin
2nd - Deluge by Taylor Dancinghands
2nd - Spot Cleaning by Cait N.

HUMOR
1st - Top Ten Things I Learned From Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation by Elizabeth Helena
2nd - I is for Iconian by Cait N.
2nd - P is for Pakled by Cait N.

MALE/MALE
1st - Exercise #93 by Taylor Dancinghands
1st - Sur La Mer by Slasherfem
2nd - Deluge by Taylor Dancinghands

CHALLENGE
1st - The Second Time by Mandy
2nd - A Drabble for all Series by Darksusie
3rd - Luck Be a Lady by Cait N.

SERIES/SUITE
1st - Sugar Time Series by Slasherfem
2nd - Alphabet Series by Cait N.
2nd - Top Ten Things by Elizabeth Helena

AUTHOR
1st - Mriana
2nd - Cait N.
2nd - Slasherfem

Q looked up from finishing reading out the Next Generation winners. "What? No music? We can't have that!" In a flash, he dressed himself in Mexican attire and was joined by a Mariachi Band. "Fortunately, you have me, Q, at your service."

Q's Mariachi band moved around the hall as the appetizers were delivered to the tables. Stephen hoped they'd stay around for the whole awards, as no musicians had been hired this year due to last year's budget busting Awards Dinner. Once the wait staff had retreated, he signaled for Jake Sisko to enter. Q immediately silenced his band, and did a trumpet solo version of the Deep Space Nine theme.

Jake Sisko arrived on stage in a gray jumpsuit and overcoat, which Stephen recognized as being from Jay Gordon's closet. Back in the back of the hall, he spotted Marrissa putting her hand over Jay's mouth to prevent him from saying anything.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, as Deep Space Nine and Trek's only resident author, I've been asked to present the inspiring winners of the Deep Space Nine categories," Jake began. "Apparently, my father could not be here tonight. Something about the call of the prophets. Personally, I think it was more the call of my little sister. In any case, your Deep Space Nine Winners are...

DS9 HET
1st - Luck Be a Lady Tonight by Charlene
2nd - Beauty and the Changeling by Mriana
3rd - Some Things Run in the Family by Acidqueen

DS9 SLASH VIGNETTE
1st - Business as Usual by Katrine Myra
2nd - One Moment by Mark Stanley
3rd - Five Drabbles by Mark Stanley

DS9 SLASH LONGER STORY
1st - Small Change by Charlene
2nd - Letters From the Northern Continent by The Hoyden
3rd - Amor tussisque non celantur by Charlene

DS9 OTHER
1st - Small Change by Charlene
2nd - Odo’s Application by Charlene
3rd - Luck Be a Lady Tonight by Charlene

DS9 DRABBLE
1st - Miles to Go Before I Sleep by
2nd - Regret by Elizabeth Helena
2nd - To Tell the Truth by Cait N.

DS9 HET DRABBLE
1st - Miles to Go Before I Sleep by
2nd - W is for Wadi by Cait N.
2nd - Y is for Yridian by Cait N.

DS9 OTHER DRABBLE
1st - Regret by Elizabeth Helena
2nd - Bashir ‘n Sheep by Cait N.
3rd - To Tell the Truth by Cait N.

DS9 GARAK/BASHIR
1st - Five Drabbles by Mark Stanley
2nd - Letters From the Northern Continent by The Hoyden
3rd - One Moment by Mark Stanley

DS9 BASHIR/MALE
1st - Small Change by Charlene
2nd - Amor tussisque non celantur by Charlene
3rd - A Drabble for All Series by Darksusie
3rd - Some Things Run in the Family by Acidqueen

DS9 KIRA/FEMALE
1st - That Which Does Not Kill Us by Trilled
2nd - Bike Week, Day 2 by Lyrastar
3rd - The Baths of Halfaska by T’Lin

DS9 OTHER SLASH
1st - Just Breathe by Cait N.
2nd - Benjy, Benjy, Benjy by Charlene
3rd - F is for Ferengi by Cait N.

DS9 CHALLENGE
1st - Bashir ‘n Sheep by Cait N.
2nd - Martinus by Charlene
2nd - Odo’s Application by Charlene

DS9 SERIES/SUITE
1st - Alphabet Series by Cait N.
2nd - Friends & Lovers by Cait N.
3rd - Sugar Time by Slasherfem

DS9 HUMOR
1st - Top Ten Things I Learned From Watching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine by Elizabeth Helena
2nd - L is for Lurian by Cait N.
2nd - Sounds Like? by Cait N.

DS9 AUTHOR
1st - Elizabeth Helena
2nd - Charlene
2nd - Mark Stanley

Jake Sisko then put down the card with all the winners listed down. "Congrats to all the winners, and Q, Doctor, take it away!"

Q's Mariachi band took up the classic Johnny Cash song, "Ring of Fire" as the wait staff began to serve the salads. From the far door, Doctor Julian Bashir made an unexpected appearance, working his way between the tables, singing.

Stephen was having second thoughts as he watched the salad course being literally tossed to the author's seats. That was not what he had expected when he'd ordered it. Bashir was also being mobbed by the Garak Bashir writer group at the right front table. If the doctor wasn't careful, he'd be leaving the same way as Malcom Reed had left Essex, naked, without a stitch of clothes left in his suitcase, and authors chasing him all the way to his shuttle pod. They actually had to stun some of them to let the poor man's shuttle pod leave.

Speaking of nudity, he noticed that the next presenter was in the wings, along with Reed. It seemed that Hoshi Sato must have been undecided about what she was to wear to the Awards Dinner to the point that she was wearing nothing. Stephen quickly made his way to her side, arriving just in time to catch Reed's compliant. "Wait, this is the same group that ripped my uniforms off me."

"Yes, and remember the Captain's orders," Hoshi said, pushing her loose hair back behind her shoulders.

"Make sure it's look, don't touch, Ensign Sato is there to inspire more Enterprise stories," Reed repeated. "I still say that he's sending the wrong nude, based on last year."

"You turned him down," Sato replied, before turning to Stephen. "Zdravo vodnik. Ste vi radovoljen za nas?"

Stephen was surprised at the use of Slovenian, but after a moment, replied, "hvaležen , mi smo. pustiti mi znak godec." He turned back towards the hall and caught Q's gaze. Suddenly the music changed to a transcription of the Enterprise Theme for mariachi band. He turned back to the stage, and watched as Hoshi began to walk towards it, very appreciatively.

Once Hoshi reached the stage, Q's Mariachi Band completed its song, and the whole room quieted for the Enterprise's communication officer. "Authors of all sexes and ages, I am here to present the awards for Enterprise. I am also here to inspire more." The whine of the transporter fit in her pause as T'Pol in her NVIATWAS dress appeared above the stage in the open sea shell. Archer and Tucker appeared moments later, their well oiled bodies standing on top of the marble half wall surrounding the stage in classic poses. With a saucy grin, Hoshi continued, "Doctor Phlox will be selling raffle tickets for the right to strip Malcolm at the back of the hall." Reed turned to give a betrayed look to Hoshi. "Now on to those winners ...

ENT DRABBLE
1st - State of Phlox by Cait N.
2nd - N is for Nausicaan by Cait N.
3rd - Rich in Vitamin A by Cait N.

ENT SLASH
1st - Today, Don't Ask Any Questions by Kylie Lee
2nd - The Best Man for the Job is a Woman by Cait N.
3rd - The Other Night in Sickbay by T'Lin

ENT OTHER
1st - Not So Logical Choice by Stephen Ratliff
2nd - The Voyages Have Ended: Archer by Stephen Ratliff
3rd - N is for Nausicaan by Cait N.

ENT HUMOR
1st - Farce Contact by Odon
2nd - N is for Nausicaan by Cait N.
2nd - Outrageous Additions to Enterprise Episodes by Odon
2nd - Top Ten Things I Learned From Watching Star Trek: Enterprise by Elizabeth Helena

ENT CHALLENGE
1st - A Drabble for all Series by Darksusie
2nd - The Voyages Have Ended: Archer by Stephen Ratliff
3rd - Not So Logical Choice by Stephen Ratliff
3rd - State of Phlox by Cait N.

ENT AUTHORS
1st - Cait N.
2nd - Artemis
3rd - T'Lin

As Hoshi left the stage, T'Pol flipped off of the sea shell, into the arms of Tucker and Archer. They immediately launched her up into another flip, and a perfect landing in front of the podium. T'Pol took a bow, then reached up to catch her sword, tossed to her by Reed, and with a threatening slash towards Stephen, exited followed by Archer and Tucker. Q's Mariarchi Band took up another tune to their exit as Doctor Phlox began to do a brisk business in raffle tickets.

Stephen looked around for Marrissa to find out who was the next presenter. He spotted her approaching with Data, LaForge, Worf, and Riker, all dressed in red suit vests, white pants, and blue bow ties. Each of them were carrying birch canes and a creme colored bowler hat. "Okay, Marrissa, what have you got up your sleeve?"

Marrissa smirked. "Oh nothing much, just the Enterprise-D Command Barbershop Quartet," she said. "You need a hair cut, by the way." Stephen looked over at the stage, to discover that the podium had been moved over to the side, and it had been replaced by a barber's chair and a side table for his tools.

"You got Mott?" Stephen was quite surprised. "And no, I don't need a hair cut."

"Oh, I got Mott alright. Apparently he thinks he should be used more often on this group and he had something on everyone but Data. Thanks to Farfalla, I got him for Mott's required quartet. Anyway, Jay needs one too. I can get him in the chair."

Moments later, Q's Mariarchi Band went silent, and the lights dropped momentarily. When they came back up, Mott was standing beside the empty chair, and off to the side, was the Enterprise-D Command Barbershop Quartet. Data made a pitch pipe like sound, and the quartet began to sign in perfect harmony

"Oh, ma honey, Oh, ma honey
Better hurry and let's meander
Ain't you goin' Ain't you goin'
To the leaderman, ragged meter man?
Oh, ma honey, Oh, ma honey
Let me take you to Alexander's grandstand, brass band
Ain't you comin' along?

As they complete the first verse, Jay Gordon appeared on the other side of the stage, and sat down on the surrounding marble fence.

"Come on and hear, Come on and hear
Alexander's ragtime band
Come on and hear, Come on and hear
It's the best band in the land

They can play a bugle call like you never heard before
So natural that you want to go to war
That's just the bestest band what am, honey lamb

Come on along, Come on along
Let me take you by the hand
Up to the man, Up to the man
Who's the leader of the band

And if you care to hear the Swanee River played in ragtime
Come on and hear, Come on and hear
Alexander's ragtime band

As they completed the chorus, Mott shook out his cloth with a flourish, and turned towards Jay. "Well, come on up here, young man. It looks like you could use a hair cut!"

"Shave and a hair cut, two bits!" the quartet interjected.

"I think I could use a trim, or at least Marrissa says I could," Jay said as he took his place in the chair. "Shave on the other hand, Maybe Commanders Worf or Riker would volunteer for that."

Mott placed the cloth around Jay's neck. "You know, I heard that you're dating the Captain's daughter. So, I must ask you, young man, what do you know of poetry, and how to please a lady?"

"My girl is a genuine Princess, pleasing her isn't easy, and I'm afraid that I don't know a lot of poetry. Do you have some advice?"

"I'm sure that Captain Picard would recommend some Shakespeare, but I've always felt that he's a tad overused. There is of course always Whitman, and who could forget the lovely Miss Dickenson, Commander LaForge favors her, you know. I personally recommend against following Commander Worf's choices, though. They're quite unromantic. Of course, there are also this year's winners from the first section of Miscellaneous Categories ...

TNG-DS9-VOY-ENT NEW AUTHOR
1st - Charlene
2nd - Mandy
3rd - Elorie Alton
3rd - The Hoyden
3rd - Trilled

TOS-TNG-DS9 Filk
1st - Ply in the Sky by Artemis
1st - The Misadventures of Sheriff Odo by Odon
2nd - A Captain in Margaritaville by longbeachtrekstar

TOS-DS9-VOY GROUP
1st - Sadhu by T’Prahn
1st - The Price of Passion by T’Mara
2nd - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie

OTHER POEM OR LIMERICK
1st - Oops! by Farfalla
2nd - Unity of Stars by Mrs Spock
3rd - The Virtue by Kelly Reiger

FFF
1st - Hailing Frequencies Open by Ann Douglas
2nd - Just Breathe by Cait N.
3rd - Things That Go Bump In The Night by T'Lin

MIS STORY
1st - The Patient Search and Vigil Long by Cait N.
2nd - Have you had your Starship Captain Spayed or Neutered? by Stephen Ratliff
3rd - Orientation, TSU Style by Cait N.

As he finished listing the last winners, he brought out his brush, and brushed the loose hair from Jay's neck, and took off the cloth. "There you go, Mister Gordon. I hope you'll follow my advice on the poetry. I'm certain that your young princess will enjoy it."

As Jay stood up, the barbershop quartet took back up the chorus of "Alexander's Ragtime Band" one last time. As they concluded, Q handed Riker a trombone, and suddenly Q's Mariarchi Band was transformed into a Jazz Band, taking up the jazz arrangement of the song.

As the staff restored the stage, Stephen stepped in front of it, as the Jazz Band ended it's song. "Ladies and Gentlemen, there has been a delay in the main course due to some problems in the kitchens. I also have a few announcements as well. Doctor Phlox would like to report that the raffle tickets sold thus far have raised a thousand dollars to the Star Fleet Orphans fund. Marrissa would like to thank the authors for their donations. Doctor Phlox will be selling the raffle tickets at the back of the room under the portrait of TSU President Gifford until after the Challenge section is announced. Mister Data, your tee time on the TSU golf course is in ten minutes. And the owner of the shuttle with the registry NCC-2893-15, your lights are on."

"Now, before we announce the Voyager Awards, Naomi Wildman, the Captain's Assistant, would like to present, Seven of Nine, singing, Anything Goes."

The hall quieted, as a single spot light found Seven of Nine descending the stairs in the rear of the stage. She began to sing to the brass accompaniment provided by Q's Jazz band ...

"Times have changed,
And we've often rewound the clock,
Since the Puritans got a shock,
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
If today, Any shock they should try to stem,
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock,
Plymouth Rock would land on them.

Seven of Nine paused at end of the stairs, and raised her feet to reveal the short black hose that she was wearing.

"In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking,
But now, God knows, Anything Goes.

"Good authors too who once knew better words,
Now only use four letter words
Writing prose, Anything Goes.

And so the song went, as Seven of Nine worked the room, like she was seducing all those in it. A caress there, a coy smile there, a kiss blown, she owned the room. By the time the song ended, she had it entranced to the pot that there was a moment of silence before they realized that the song was over and favored her with roaring applause.

Seven of Nine received a red rose from Harry Kim, before bowing and departing, leaving Naomi Wildman standing on the stage. The podium had not been returned. Instead she stood in a strapless evening gown, microphone in hand on the empty platform. She had a big grin, as she brought the microphone up. "Let's see Kirk's crew top that! Let's have another round of applause for my friend Seven of Nine!"

After another round of applause, Naomi spoke again. "As Captain's Assistant, I have many duties. Included among these are arranging things like Seven of Nine's booking here tonight, and standing in here to announce these winners in Captain Janeway's stead. Of course, if you ask the rest of the crew my most important duty is making sure that Captain Janeway always has her coffee, black. Of course tonight, only one duty is important, that of announcing these winners...

VOY AUTHORS
1st - Mriana
2nd - Darksusie
3rd - Elizabeth Helena

VOY SLASH DRABBLE
1st - Count Me In by Cait N.
2nd - The Other Captain Proton by Darksusie
3rd - The Other Chute by Darksusie

VOY OTHER DRABBLE
1st - They Always Said Caffeine Was Bad For You by Mandy
2nd - Another Case for Poirot? by Mandy
3rd - A-koo-chee-No-More by Mandy
3rd - Endshame by Mandy
3rd - The Other Thirty Days by Darksusie

VOY DRABBLE
1st - Count Me In by Cait N.
2nd - The Other Tuvix by Darksusie
3rd - H is for Haakonian by Cait N.

VOY SLASH VIGNETTE
1st - Another City, Another Hotel Room by Darksusie
2nd - Rico.Suave by Helmboy
2nd - Under a Carnival Moon by Nautika

VOY SLASH LONGER STORY
1st - Dream Lover by Mandy
2nd - The Other Resolutions by Darksusie
3rd - Over Time and Space by Darksusie

VOY OTHER
1st - Give Me a Break by Christiane
1st - Please State the Nature of the Command Crisis by Mandy
2nd - He’s Mine by Mriana

VOY HUMOR
1st - The Klingon Sex Manual by Spiletta42
2nd - A Drabble for all Series by Darksusie
2nd - Top Ten Things I Learned from Watching Star Trek: Voyager by Elizabeth Helena

VOY CHAKOTAY/PARIS
1st - It Takes Two to Tango by Darksusie
2nd - Body and Soul by Darksusie
3rd - Rewards for Assertion by Mandy

VOY JANEWAY/CHAKOTAY
1st - Pheromonal Predicament by Elorie Alton
2nd - One Who Speaks by Elorie Alton
3rd - A Private Party by Mriana
3rd - Bargains Kept by Spiletta42
3rd - The Voodoo Planet by Mandy

VOY CHAKOTAY/OTHER MALE
1st - Another City, Another Hotel Room by Darksusie
2nd - Command Possession by Mel Blue
2nd -It Takes Two to Tango by Darksusie

VOY PARIS/OTHER MALE
1st - Command Possession by Mel Blue
2nd - Business as Usual by Darksusie
2nd - It Takes Two to Tango by Darksusie

VOY TUVOK/MALE
1st - A Drabble for All Series by Darksusie
2nd - Delta Diaries  The Early Years by Darksusie
3rd - The Voodoo Planet by Mandy

VOY KIM/FEMALE
1st - Pheromonal Predicament by Elorie Alton
2nd - The Voodoo Planet by Mandy
3rd - Delta Diaries  One Year On by Darksusie

VOY KIM/MALE
1st - Count Me In by Cait N.
2nd - Dream Lover by Mandy
3rd - The Other Resolutions by Darksusie

VOY TORRES/MALE
1st - The Klingon Sex Manual by Spiletta42
2nd - Pheromonal Predicament by Elorie Alton
3rd - Delta Diaries  One Year On by Darksusie

VOY OTHER HET
1st - Pheromonal Predicament by Elorie Alton
2nd - One Who Speaks by Elorie Alton
2nd - Tom Paris' Number One Remedy by Darksusie

VOY OTHER SLASH
1st - Truly Home by T’Lin
2nd - Tom Paris' Number One Remedy by Darksusie
3rd - Under a Carnival Moon by Nautika

VOY 40 Years of Captains Challenge
1st - Chapter Thirty-Five: Captain Proton and the Voyage of the Damned by Mandy
2nd - Reasons are Irrelevant by Mandy
2nd - The Final Punch-up by Mandy

VOY Improbable Pairings Challenge
1st - Another City, Another Hotel Room by Darksusie
1st - Long Haired Lovers by Mandy
2nd - Count Me In by Cait N.
2nd - Tom Paris' Number One Remedy by Darksusie

VOY Other Challenge
1st - The Other Resolutions by Darksusie
2nd - The Great Escape by vanhunks
3rd - Between Arachnia and a Hard Piece by Cait N.

VOY-ENT HET
1st - Home is... by Elorie Alton
2nd - One Who Speaks by Elorie Alton
3rd - Sultry by vanhunks

VOY-ENT SERIES/SUITE
1st - Sugar Time Series by Slasherfem
2nd - Alphabet Series by Cait N.
3rd - These Are the Voyages by Stephen Ratliff
3rd - Top Ten Things by Elizabeth Helena

After a polite applause, Naomi announced, "Now, to close out this section, I would like to present Captain Janeway and the men of the Starfleet, in Hello Janeway!"

Captain Janeway strode in from the wings. Scattered around the edges of the stage were several Star Fleet Officers of various years. She approached Harry Kim, caressing his cheek as she began to sing, "Hello Harry. Then turning to the other side, coyly glanced at Lieutenant Carey, "Well, Hello Carey. It's so nice to be back home where I belong"

Janeway passed Captain Riker, singing, "You're looking swell, Willie." Then she slid up against Captain Picard.

"I can tell, Johnny
You're still glowin', you're still crowin'
You're still goin' strong
For the band's playin'
One of my old favorite songs from way back when
So bridge that gap, fellas
Find me an empty lap, fellas
Janeway'll never go away again

Then the officers picked up covered dishes from the side of the stage, and began singing in reply, as they delivered the main course ...

"Hello Janeway!
Well, Hello Janeway!
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're looking swell, Janeway,
We can tell, Janeway,
You're still glowin', you're still crowin'
You're still goin' strong.
We feel the room swayin'
For the band's playin'
One of your old fav'rite songs from 'way back when

Janeway replied, "So here's my hat fellas, I'm stayin' where I'm at, fellas"

And the officers responded, "Promise you'll never go away again?"

Janeway took a seat on the edge of the center front table.

"I went away from the lights of old Star Fleet
And into my personal haze
But now that I'm back in the lights of old Star Fleet
Tomorrow will be brighter than the good old days

The Officers appeared to look fondly, pausing in their delivery.

"Those good old days
Hello, Well Hello Janeway
Well hello, hey look there's Janeway

Janeway looked over Captain Kirk, "Glad to see you Jim, let's thank my lucky star"

The Officer's chorused, "Your lucky star"

Janeway slid over the bar in the back, noticing Captain Scott.

"You're lookin' great, Scotty
Lose some weight, Scotty?
Janeway's overjoyed and overwhelmed and over par

The Officers, turned towards Janeway.

"I hear the ice tinkle. See the lights twinkle
And you still get glances from us handsome men
So...

Janeway slid back into the midst of the officers, now headed back to the stage, "Golly gee, fellas. Find me a vacant knee, fellas."

The officers twirled around Janeway, with the empty platters balanced on one hand, "Janeway'll never go away again."

"Well, well hello, Janeway
Well hello, Janeway
It's so nice to have you back where you belong
You're lookin' swell, Janeway
We can tell, Janeway
You're still glowin', you're still crowin'
You're still goin' strong
I hear the ice tinkle
See the lights twinkle
And you still get glances from us handsome men
So...

Janeway took a seat on one of the steps. "Wow wow wow, fellas"

The officers surrounded her, "Hey, Yeh!"

With a big smile, she pulled Kirk and Picard together against her sides, "Look at the old girl now, fellas"

The officers concluded, "Wow! Janeway'll never go away again."

Stephen admired Janeway as she was carried off stage. The Original Series was going to have a hard time topping that. His eyes caught the next pair waiting at the top of the stairs. Marrissa had done well with her last minute choices under threat of that 14 part story with Wesley. Standing at the top of the stairs, awaiting their cue were young Saavik, and young David Marcus. If you couldn't get Kirk or Spock, they weren't bad choices.

Q's jazz band started to play a spritely tune, as they began walking down to the raised stage, Saavik's hand resting gently on David's offered bent arm. Saavik wore a transparent black jacket over a red breast band, with red pants, and the traditional black boots. David wore a golden tunic, as he smiled at Saavik. Once they reached the stage, where the podium usually stood, they dropped their arms to their sides and the music stopped.

"Live Long and Prosper," Saavik announced. "A least I think that's how that goes, David."

"Peace and long life to you, Saavik. Though if Commander Spock gets word that you were uncertain as to the most well known and basic of Vulcan greetings, it won't be that long."

"If you are insinuating that Mister More Vulcan than Vulcans would go after his ward for such a lapse..." Saavik said with a incredulous expression, totally out of her Vulcan half's expectations.

David grinned. "Oh no, I most certainly am not. Besides, he's more likely to go after us for what we did last night, my love."

"Shhhhh! We're in the midst of writers, and you know they can't resist a good story. After all, that's how we found out about our guardians, James T. Kirk and Spock's dalliances, in many varied locations." Saavik took in the whole room with a wide gesture. "And some of them are even reported to be Vulcans ... you know, the mirror ones."

"Banish that thought to the far realms of the galaxy, for we do not need the exposure. I think. In any case, It's time to give out the Kirk Spock Awards for the 2006 Golden Os. Attend me, that I may remember the list."

Saavik and David gently placed their first two fingers so they touched, and began to read out the winners, in unison.

K/S VIGNETTE
1st - You Are... by Dale
2nd - Binary Genders by Smutty Kitty
2nd - Companionable Solitude by Farfalla

K/S SHORT
1st - Risk by CatalenaMara
2nd - A Piece Of The Action by Starshadow
3rd - The Cupid Overlap by Farfalla

K/S SHORT STORY
1st - Just Chocolate Cherries? by Dale
2nd - I Know You're Out There Somewhere by Farfalla
3rd - Bonding for Dummies by Farfalla

K/S NOVEL
1st - From the Flame to the Ashes by T'Mara
2nd - The Price of Passion by T'Mara
3rd - The Island by T'Prahn

K/S ADVENT CALENDAR
1st - Just Chocolate Cherries? by Dale
2nd - Starry Night by Acidqueen
3rd - Abomination by Acidqueen
3rd - Just Once by T'Mara

K/S POEM or LIMERICK
1st - Oops! by Farfalla
2nd - All That I Am And All That I Could Be by Kelly Reiger
3rd - Closet Case by Lyrastar

After finishing reciting the list, Saavik and David let the touch go, dropping their hands to their sides again. David wiped his left hand across his brow. "You were right, Saavik, that was intense."

"Perhaps we should relieve that tension. I understand that if you don't, as a male, it can have consequences." Saavik said, in a stage whisper, as the music rose and they started to walk off to the side.

"I know where there is an empty supply closet, join me?"

Stephen watched as Saavik and David walked off stage right, two fingers touching. He then turned to Marrissa, who was standing beside him. "You told David about the supply closet across from my office," he accused.

"Actually, I think Jay did," Marrissa responded innocently. "Oh, and I have a bet with Jay that you'll the challenge I gave to the next presenter ... I am safe from their retaliation, right? "

"Marrissa, I can't write a revenge fic with you, but I can't say the same about any other author," Stephen replied. "So let's get on with the show before the authors get bored and decide to do so."

"Q!" Marrissa cried out. Q snapped his fingers and suddenly all the music stopped, and his band disappeared with him. "Oh, and you know that song that I asked you to practice?"

"Suicide is Painless?" Stephen prompted. "I think I'm ready. Riker can really handle the trombone part and your father does the flute quite well."

"Well, you're wanted stage left." Marrissa ordered. Stephen grumbled and headed over to join Riker, Jean-Luc Picard, and Patternson Supra, who had been pressed into playing the finger bass.

Then a slightly echoing old loudspeaker came on, announcing in a somewhat familiar voice. "Attention all personnel. The Mess Hall will be serving parthas a la Yuta today. Tonight's movie will be State Fair. The vaccination for Insufficient Reluctance has been cancelled. The 4077 would like to welcome Captain Q who will be joining our own Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger in presenting the Challenge and Fest Awards."

With that, Stephen bent his head down, and started to play the theme to M*A*S*H. The sound of a chopper came from the wings as the others came in on cue. As they played, Q and Corporal Klinger descended down the stage. Klinger was wearing a black evening gown, that displayed quite a bit of his chest hair. Q was dressed in Enterprise-E era Captain's dress uniform, and had a smirk on his face as he escorted Klinger to the stage, the last chord dying as they reached center stage.

"I'm back!" Q announced, as his Mariarchi Band reappeared, and began to play. He then winked at Corporal Klinger, as the authors applauded. "Corporal, would you please start us off, with the first award?"

"Don't mind if I do, since it's why you invited me to be in section 8," Klinger replied, and began to sing to the tune of Ring of Fire.

"Love is a burning flame
And it makes, the firery rain
Challenged to desire
I fell in a ring of fire

"I fell into a burnin' ring of fire
I fell down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns
Improbable pairing
Improbable pairing

"The taste of love is sweet
When hearts like ours meet
I before ya like a child
On, let the fire burn wild

"I fell into a burnin' ring of fire
I fell down down down
And the flames went higher
And it burns burns burns
Improbable pairing
Improbable pairing

The tune ended, and Q announced the winners of the first two awards

IMPROBABLE PAIRINGS CHALLENGE
1st - A Drabble for all Series by Darksusie
2nd - Another City, Another Hotel Room by Darksusie
3rd - State of Phlox by Cait N.

COUNTRY SONG TITLE CHALLENGE
1st - Just Breathe by Cait N.
2nd - Ring of Fire by Acidqueen
3rd - (Wish I Had a) Heart of Stone by Cait N.

"Say, Q, I'm here because of the Improbable Pairing, but what are you in for?" Klinger asked.

"I'm avoiding watching the baby, actually," Q replied. "Trust me, Daddy is not a title you want on your character, especially if the boy is a demigod."

"Bad Titles, I believe that's the next couple," Klinger said, as a clip board appeared in his hands. "Thank you Q, now I believe the winners are ..."

BAD CHARACTER TITLE CHALLENGE
1st - We Will, We Will Spock You! by Ster Julie
2nd - Miles To Go Before I Sleep by Artemis
3rd - Chapel of Love by Starshadow

BAD TITLE CHALLENGE
1st - Once u-Pon Farr a Time by Farfalla
2nd - Sleepless in Sickbay by Cait N.
3rd - Put A Spock In It by Starshadow

"Next is something about Captains," Klinger said, turning toward Q.

"Yes, the 40 Years of Captains Challenge, given by the coordinator of these awards," Q replied. "I think we'll have the winners announce by the Captain whose replacement won. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, Captain James T. Kirk"

Captain Kirk appeared on stage, in a compromising position with Yeoman Rand. His pants were down, and her dress was up. "Things were going too well," he said, looking at the audience. "I assume I'm here to give out an award?" Klinger handed him the clipboard. "Yes, I see ..."

40 YEARS OF CAPTAINS CHALLENGE
1st - Why Gertrude should be captain of the NCC-1701 (no bloody A, B, C, or D) by Lyrastar
2nd - Odo’s Application by Charlene
3rd - I’ve Got a Tiger by the Tail by Cait N.
3rd - It Had to Be Q by Mandy
3rd - Lieutenant Leslie for Captain of Enterprise by Starshadow
3rd - The Captain’s Assistant by Mandy
3rd - Two For the Price of One by Mandy

"Now, demigod of the week, I believe Yeoman Rand and I have a shore leave to go back to," Kirk ordered.

Q snapped his fingers, and Kirk disappeared. "Captains, these days, no respect." He shook his head. "Klinger, read the rest, I grow board."

THE OTHER CHALLENGE
1st - The Other Side Of Paradise by T'Lin
2nd - The Other Resolutions by Darksusie
3rd - The Other Tuvix by Darksusie

OTHER CHALLENGES
1st - Carried On A Chaise by Dale
2nd - Luck Be a Lady by Cait N.
3rd - Small Packages by Mandy

SPICED PEACHES
1st - After the Credits: For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky by Ster Julie
2nd - Father's Day by Ster Julie
3rd - Unexpected Surprises by Tempest

S/MC FEST
1st - Diagnosis and Treatment of Ply's Disease by Lyrastar
2nd - Mixology by Lyrastar
3rd - Amanda At Death's Door by Artemis

WET FEST
1st - Bike Week, Day 2 by Lyrastar
2nd - Liftoff by Farfalla
3rd - For Better or Immersed by Farfalla

As Klinger finished, Q, who had been laying back on an invisible lounge chair, snapped his fingers. "Time for some more music!" And once again his Mariarchi Band began to play. He took Klinger's arm, and together they danced their way through the hall, and out the door.

As Klinger and Q danced in the rear of the hall, Stephen noticed that young Peter Kirk was just off the stage with Uhura. It seemed that the Lieutenant had some advice for him. The presence of the large feathered wings at least were promising.

The music stopped, and suddenly the staircase at the rear of the stage was filled with ladies in William Ware Theiss creations. Uhura stood above them, the large feathered wings in each hand. The other ladies were seated around the edge of the stage. A large gong was standing to stage left, and a bare chested Kirk stood beside it, along with a set of chimes, which he rang. The beat of a bass guitar filled the stage, as Uhura began to sing.

"When Captain Kirk is on the Enterprise
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then we shall see the planets
And love will steer the stars

She moved among the many original series ladies, who danced around here, pulling in Kirk and Spock to be caressed with the tip of her feathered wing props.

"This is the dawning of Star Trek the Original
The age of the Original
The Original!
The Original!

"Discord and understanding
Exploring and life abounding
No more falsehoods or divination
Seeking out new civilizations
Finding great revelation
And the mind's true liberation
The Original!
The Original!

"When Captain Kirk is on the Enterprise
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then we shall see the planets
And love will steer the stars

"This is the dawning of Star Trek the Original
The age of the Original
The Original!
The Original!

"Discord and understanding
Exploring and life abounding
No more falsehoods or divination
Seeking out new civilizations
Finding great revelation
And the mind's true liberation
The Original!
The Original!

Kirk hit the gong, and everyone froze in place for a moment of silence. After a moment applause rang out from the audience. During the applause, Peter Kirk made his way to center stage, clapping. Once the clapping began to die down, he called out. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Women of the Original Series, never equaled!" The applause rose again, as Peter started calling out some notables. "Lieutenant Uhura! Nurse Christine Chapel! Yeoman Janice Rand! Amanda! T'Pring! Ilia! Droxine! Aurelan Kirk! The Orion Slave Girls!" As each name was mentioned, the ladies in question bowed and exited stage right.

Finally the stage only had Peter on it and the applause was over. "You know, there are some things that you just don't want to see," Peter said. "Your mother dressed in an outfit from Thiess's Orion Slave Girl line, is one of them. Oh well, it's time to finally give out the awards from the best and first series, the Original Series of Star Trek." Peter pulls a card out from his sleeve and began to read:

TOS DRABBLE
1st - The Red Shoes Trilogy: Memento by Trekskitten
2nd - Wanderer by Pat Foley
3rd - She Who Is My Wife by Pat Foley

TOS HET DRABBLE
1st - She Who Is My Wife by Pat Foley
2nd - Duck, Duck Goose by Rolletti
2nd - Mine by Maximum

TOS SLASH DRABBLE
1st - The Doctor is In by Cait N.
2nd - Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of the Lord Thy God in Vain by Farfalla
3rd - V is for Vulcan by Cait N.

TOS OTHER DRABBLE
1st - The Red Shoes Trilogy: Memento by Trekskitten
2nd - The Red Shoes Trilogy: Memory by Trekskitten
2nd - Wanderer by Pat Foley

TOS HET VIGNETTE
1st - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie
2nd - That's What Big Girls Are Made Of by Lyrastar
3rd - For a Breath I Tarry by Rabble Rouser
3rd - Tender, Loving Care by Djinn

TOS HET SHORT
1st - What the Executioner Saw by T'Prahn
2nd - Sadhu by T'Prahn
3rd - Heart, We Will Forget Him by Djinn

TOS HET SHORT STORY
1st - In the Dark of Mind by Trekskitten
2nd - Guy's Night Out by Artemis
3rd - The Doctor’s Orders by vulcanprincess

TOS HET NOVELETTE
1st - Ship's Night by T'Prahn
2nd - Stuck in the Middle With You by T'Prahn
3rd - Shore Leave by Maximum

TOS HET NOVEL
1st - The Island by T'Prahn
2nd - From the Flame to the Ashes by T'Mara
3rd - The Price of Passion by T'Mara

TOS SLASH VIGNETTE
1st - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie
1st - You Are... by Dale
2nd - After the Credits: For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky by Ster Julie

TOS SLASH SHORT
1st - Sadhu by T'Prahn
2nd - San Francisco by Artemis
2nd - Unexpected Surprises by Tempest

TOS SLASH SHORT STORY
1st - Just Chocolate Cherries? by Dale
2nd - Retribution at the Hands of Our Enemies by vulcanprincess
3rd - Bonding for Dummies by Farfalla

TOS SLASH NOVEL
1st - The Price of Passion by T'Mara
1st - The Island by T'Prahn
1st - There Are More Things In Heaven And Earth... by T'Lin

TOS OTHER VIGNETTE
1st - Carried On A Chaise by Dale
2nd - First Contact by T’Prahn
2nd - From Out of the Blue by Trekskitten

TOS OTHER SHORT
1st - What the Executioner Saw by T'Prahn
2nd - Sadhu by T'Prahn
3rd - Out of the Desert by Ster Julie
3rd - Revenge in the Name of Justice by Romulanlp

TOS OTHER NOVEL
1st - The Island by T'Prahn
2nd - Ship's Night by T'Prahn
3rd - Broken by Djinn

SPOCK/MCCOY VIGNETTE
1st - We Will, We Will Spock You! by Ster Julie
2nd - You Are... by Dale
3rd - After The Credits: All Our Yesterdays by Ster Julie
3rd - Mixology by Lyrastar

SPOCK/MCCOY LONGER STORY
1st - Unexpected Surprises by Tempest
2nd - Things That Might Never Get Said by Acidqueen
3rd - Diagnosis and Treatment of Ply's Disease by Lyrastar

KIRK/MCCOY
1st - You Are... by Dale
2nd - McSpock by Darksusie
3rd - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie

SAREK/AMANDA
1st - She Who Is My Wife by Pat Foley
2nd - Amanda At Death's Door by Artemis
3rd - An Angel in My Arms by Ster Julie
3rd - Devil's Gift by Mrs Spock

SCOTT/FEMALE
1st - Just Passing Time by vulcanprincess
2nd - Scotty's Boast? by Romulanlp
3rd - Guy's Night Out by Artemis
3rd - Nice To See You Awake by Mriana

KIRK/SAREK
1st - He Excites Me by Dale
2nd - He is Mine by Acidqueen
3rd - Betwixt and Between by T'Riva

KIRK/UHURA
1st - The Island by T'Prahn
2nd - Reflectively Yours by Dale
3rd - Then Please Let Me Go by IDIC

KIRK/CHAPEL
1st - For a Breath I Tarry by Rabble Rouser
2nd - Tender, Loving Care by Djinn
3rd - My Aunt Sadie by IDIC
3rd - Parallels and Intersections by Djinn

KIRK/OTHER MALE
1st - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie
1st - The Things We Do For Love by Lyrastar
2nd - K is for Klingon by Cait N.
2nd - San Francisco by Artemis

KIRK/OTHER FEMALE
1st - Blowing Off Steam by vulcanprincess
1st - In the Dark of Mind by Trekskitten
2nd - Heart, We Will Forget Him by Djinn

SPOCK/UHURA VIGNETTE
1st - The Burning by T'Prahn
2nd - From Out of the Blue by Trekskitten
3rd - Unto Us a Child is Born by vulcanprincess

SPOCK/UHURA SHORT STORY
1st - Dear Diary by Rolletti
2nd - Sadhu by T'Prahn
2nd - The Doctor’s Orders by vulcanprincess
2nd - What Are Friends For? by vulcanprincess

SPOCK/UHURA NOVEL
1st - The Island by T'Prahn
2nd - Ship's Night by T'Prahn
3rd - Stuck in the Middle With You by T'Prahn

SPOCK/CHAPEL
1st - Joining by Djinn
2nd - Broken by Djinn
2nd - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie
2nd - They All Fall Down by Djinn

SPOCK/OTHER FEMALE
1st - Take Me Out to the Ballgame by vulcanprincess
2nd - From the Inside Looking Out by vulcanprincess
3rd - Ten Minutes in Storage Compartment 3F-341C by Mrs Spock

SPOCK/OTHER MALE
1st - Rescue by Maximum
2nd - There Are More Things In Heaven And Earth... by T'Lin
3rd - Abomination by Acidqueen

RAND/MALE
1st - Heart, We Will Forget Him by Djinn
2nd - From the Inside Looking Out by vulcanprincess
3rd - Just Another Bedtime Story by IDIC

MCCOY/FEMALE
1st - Interlude by T'Prahn
2nd - Aftermath by Maximum
2nd - My Aunt Sadie by IDIC

UHURA/OTHER MALE
1st - Sadhu by T'Prahn
2nd - My Aunt Sadie by IDIC
3rd - Guy's Night Out by Artemis

CHAPEL/OTHER MALE
1st - Beauty and the Beast by vulcanprincess
2nd - Uneasy Alliances by Djinn
3rd - Home on the Range by vulcanprincess

TOS OTHER HET
1st - What the Executioner Saw by T'Prahn
2nd - Tentacles and Testicles by vulcanprincess
3rd - That's What Big Girls Are Made Of by Lyrastar

TOS OTHER SLASH
1st - Retribution at the Hands of Our Enemies by vulcanprincess
2nd - Hailing Frequencies Open by Ann Douglas
2nd - Life's Greatest Pleasure by Maximum

TOS HUMOR
1st - Top Ten Things I Learned from Watching Star Trek: The Original Series by Elizabeth Helena
2nd - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie
3rd - The Peep Within by Lyrastar

TOS CHALLENGE
1st - Carried On A Chaise by Dale
2nd - Nonne Amicus Certus In Re Incerta Cernitur by Darksusie
2nd - Why Gertrude should be captain of the NCC-1701 (no bloody A, B, C, or D) by Lyrastar

TOS SERIES/SUITE
1st - K/S/U Series by T'Prahn
2nd - S/U Series by vulcanprincess
3rd - Red Shoes Trilogy by Trekskitten

TOS AUTHOR
1st - T'Prahn
2nd - vulcanprincess
3rd - Dale
3rd - Djinn
3rd - Ster Julie

Once Peter completed the list, he looked back up to discover that the Sulu and Uhura were already waiting for their number. Sulu was dressed in a dark blue kimono and Uhura had traded her Thiess outfit for a red patterned one. "And now, Lieutenants Sulu and Uhura bring you, the other generation." Peter departed the stage as the two stepped up to the center stage platform.

The music began to play as Sulu began to sing. "I am puzzled by the attitude of children over here, they seem to have no fear of the father."

Uhura responded, singing, "They come home when they are tired and they act as if their coming home was quite a special treat for the father!"

"My older son at twenty has just discovered love, a complicated subject he knows very little of!"

"Your younger son confuses me, the way he uses words. He tells me that I am queer, and left from the great bird!"

"What are we going to do about The Next Generations?"

"How will ever communicate without communication?

"You can't account for what they'll say or do.

"And what peculiar thoughts they think they never reveal to you."

"A very discouraging problem is
The Other Generation.
They want to lead a life that's all their own.

"Perhaps we ought to let them,
Forsake them and forget them!
But then we'd only find ourselves alone.

"--With one another!--" they chorused

" don't believe we'd like to be alone!"

The two completed the first version of the Other Generation from the musical "The Flower Drum Song" to the applause of the Original Series Authors before departing from the stage. Q's Mariarchi Band seemed to pale after the Original Series numbers.

Stephen smiled as he observed Sulu and Uhura taking an extra bow. He smiled, before he was slammed against the wall. Captain Archer held him there with Sisko's assistance. Standing behind them were Captain Kirk and Captain Janeway.

"Mister Ratliff, we have some issues with you and how you're running the awards," Kirk said.

Janeway had her arms crossed as she spoke up. "It's taking way too long, and you had to put children in charge of presentations."

From his left, Archer noted, "And you had to strip myself and all my officers in the process."

"And you keep using Jake, just because he's a writer. He missed a deadline due to you two years in a row," Sisko said from Stephen's right.

"And I'm not at all happy where I found my son and Saavik," Kirk said, pushing Stephen's shoulder back against the wall.

"It is not my fault that you didn't respond to the request for presenters," Stephen responded with a grimace. "And I delegated that to Marrissa anyway."

"I told you that Captain Picard knew something," Janeway said, looking at the other Captains. "Let him go."

Sisko and Archer let Stephen go, and he straightened his suit. "Thank you." He looked around the room quickly, spotting Captain Picard walking away from a pursuing Marrissa.

"But Daddy, I promised!" she said.

"I don't care," Captain Picard said, turning to face Marrissa. "You're grounded, and I want you on the Enterprise in your room in five minutes or your next shift on the bridge will be preformed in the nude, since you seem to want to get everyone else's clothes off. Maybe then you'll realize the problems of being naked. Picard to Enterprise! Beam Marrissa directly to her room."

Marrissa disappeared in the glitter of the transporter beam, and Captain Picard turned towards his fellow Captains. He stalked over towards them. "Has Mister Ratliff seen reason in regards to the actions that he's taken with our crews?"

"Captain Picard, how nice of you to volunteer your services by taking my chief assistant away from me," Stephen said, somehow managing to duck out from Archer and Kirk's hold on his shoulders. "I'm afraid that you and your fellow Captains have just volunteered to announce and do the next number. Now if you don't mind, I've got to find my remaining minion. At least you can't confine Chantilly to her room."

Stephen angrily walked off, leaving the five captains alone. "Well, I don't know about you, but I don't have any idea what to do for a musical number," Janeway said. "All the good ones have been taken."

"They promoted you to the Admiralty," Sisko noted. "I think we can work with that. Jean-Luc, I think it's your turn ... consider it penance for grounding Marrissa before her duty was over. Jim, do you think Katherine is ready for a serious command?"

"Oh, she might be, seven years in an independent command is a good indication," Kirk replied, with a smile. "Planning to jerk her out of San Fran?"

"Divine intervention perhaps?" Archer suggested.

"Perhaps."

Suddenly at center stage there was a Captain's chair. Captain Picard strode over to it as the hall quieted. He stood just to the right of the chair, his hand resting on it's back. Captain Janeway approached from stage left, and he offered the chair to her.

"I'm sorry, but Starship Command isn't for me. I'm going back to Earth." Janeway said.

"What was the word you've just said, Earth?
I'm offering you a chance to command the biggest ship
Starfleet's seen in twenty years and you say: 'Earth?'"

With Picard's declaration, Janeway stepped back. On stage right, Kirk, Sisko, and Archer jumped over the marble side walls and immediately sat down on top of it, with an expression of concentration.

"Come on along and listen to
The lullaby of Starfleet.
The hip hooray and bally hoo,
The lullaby of Command.
The rumble of the impulse drive,
The rattle of warp drive.
The crewmen entertained
At Ten Forward and Quark's.

"When a Starship Captain says "Good night,"
It's early in the morning.
Starship Captains don't sleep tight until the dawn:
Good night, baby,
Good night, the anchor's away.
Sleep tight, baby,
Sleep tight, let's call it a day,
Listen to the lullaby of old Starfleet.

Archer, Kirk, and Sisko stood and approached Janeway, picking up the song.

"Come on along and listen to
The lullaby of Starfleet.
The hidee hi and boopa doo,
The lullaby of Command.
The ship begins to go away,
And ev'ryone goes crazy.
You rock-a-bye your baby 'round
'Til ev'rything gets hazy.

The Captains surrounded Janeway, and picked her up.

"Hush-a-bye, "I'll take care of you now,"
You hear a daddy sayin'.
And baby goes home to her flat
To sleep all day:
Good night, baby,
Good night, the anchor's away.
Sleep tight, baby,
Sleep tight, let's call it a day!
Listen to the lullaby of old Starfleet.

As the Captains sung, their crews started appearing behind the marble fences and taking their seats.

"Come on along and listen to
The lullaby of Starfleet.
The hip hooray and bally hoo,
The lullaby of Command.
The rumble of the impulse drive,
The rattle of warp drive.
The crewmen entertained
Until the dawn:
Good night, baby,
Good night, Captain's on his way.

Janeway finally spoke up, "I'll do it!"

Cheers came from the surrounding crews, as everyone joined in, even a few intrepid authors from the crowd. Janeway, meanwhile, was escorted to the Captain's chair, where she sat, surrounded by her fellow Captains.

"Come on along-
Come on along and listen to
The lullaby of Starfleet.
The hidee hi and boopa doo,
The lullaby of Command.
The ship begins to go away,
And ev'ryone goes crazy.
You rock-a-bye your baby 'round
And sleep all day!
Listen to the lullaby of
Old Starfleet!

As the song ended, the room filled with applause. Several of the authors looked like they were expecting the crews to depart the stage, even to the point of several inviting their favorites to sit with them. They didn't though, and as the applause ended, Captain Archer stepped forward.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is the task of myself and my fellow Captains to announce the overall awards," Archer said. He stepped back, to be replaced by Captain Kirk.

"These include awards for the top stories in each series," Kirk stated, before stepping back for Captain Picard.

"They include the award for best author who wrote in all five series," Captain Picard said. He was replaced by Captain Sisko.

"They include Vignettes, Shorts, Short Stories, Novelettes, Novellas, and Novels," Captain Sisko said, before stepped back behind the command chair.

From the chair, Captain Janeway said, "And of course they cover the best for all series, not just individual ones. Who's first?"

"I believe alpha by first name was chosen," Captain Kirk said. "Benjamin?"

"Thank you, James," Captain Sisko said. "I have the honor of having three divisions this year in the Best Deep Space Nine category. For Best Deep Space Vignette:

1st - Five Drabbles by Mark Stanley
2nd - Just Breathe by Cait N.
3rd - (Wish I Had a) Heart of Stone by Cait N.
3rd - Come As You Aren't by Cait N.
3rd - Regret by Elizabeth Helena

"For Best Deep Space Nine Short Story:

1st - Business As Usual by Katrine Myra
2nd - I Can Only Speak My Mind by Charlene
3rd - Benjy Benjy Benjy by Charlene

"And for Best Deep Space Nine Novel

1st - Small Change by Charlene
2nd - Letters from the Northern Continent by The Hoyden
3rd - It Takes Two to Tango by Darksusie

"Let's give a round of applause for our Deep Space Nine Winners!" The applause was duly given. After it died down, Sisko turned to Captain Kirk, "James?"

"Thank you Benjamin," Captain Kirk said, taking Sisko's place. "I have the honor of presenting a full set of six divisions for this year's Golden O for Best TOS Story category. For Original Series Vignette:

1st - Interlude by T'Prahn
2nd - Abomination by Acidqueen
2nd - Blowing Off Steam by vulcanprincess
2nd - First Contact by T'Prahn
2nd - He Excites Me by Dale
2nd - Hope Lives in Many Universes by Farfalla
2nd - Milestone by Pat Foley
2nd - The Burning by T'Prahn
2nd - The Things We Do For Love by Lyrastar

"For Original Series Short:

1st - Sadhu by T'Prahn
2nd - Stranger Than Fan Fiction by Ster Julie
3rd - Caramel by Dale

"For Original Series Short Story:

1st - Mixology by Lyrastar
2nd - That's What Big Girls Are Made Of by Lyrastar
3rd - In the Dark of Mind by Trekskitten

"For Original Series Novelette:

1st - They All Fall Down by Djinn
2nd - Shore Leave by Maximum
3rd - Ship's Night by T'Prahn
3rd - To Make Amends by vulcanprincess

"For Original Series Novella:

1st - Diagnosis and Treatment of Ply's Disease by Lyrastar
2nd - Parallels and Intersections by Djinn
3rd - Betrayal of Trust by vulcanprincess
3rd - Uneasy Alliances by Djinn
3rd - Unto Us a Child is Born by vulcanprincess

"And for Original Series Novel:

1st - Joining by Djinn
2nd - The Price of Passion by T'Mara
3rd - The Island by T'Prahn

"Let's have another round of applause for the Original Series Winners!" Captain Kirk said. After the applause, he turned to Captain Picard. "I believe it's your turn, Jean-Luc."

"Indeed. Thank you Jim," Captain Picard said. "There are just two divisions this year in the Best Next Generation Story. For Next Generation Vignette:

1st - Pain Of A Child Lost by Mriana
2nd - A Night at the Opeara's by Slasherfem
3rd - Luck Be a Lady by Cait N.
3rd - Opening Hearts by Elorie Alton
3rd - Top Ten Things I Learned from Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation by Elizabeth Helena
3rd - Truly Home by T'Lin

"And for Next Generation Longer Stories:

1st - Deluge by Taylor Dancinghands
2nd - Sugar Time Part 2: French Kisses by Slasherfem
2nd - Sur La Mer by Slasherfem
2nd - Exercise #93 by Taylor Dancinghands

"Let's have a round of applause for the Next Generation Winners," Captain Picard asked. After the applause, he turned to Captain Archer. "Jonathan?"

"Thank you, Jean-Luc," Captain Archer said. "The Best Enterprise Story did not split into any divisions this year. The Best Enterprise Story was:

1st - Not So Logical Choice by Stephen Ratliff
2nd - The Best Man For the Job is a Woman by Cait N.
3rd - Today Don't Ask Any Questions by Kylie Lee
3rd - X is for Xindi by Cait N.

Captain Archer lead a round applause for the stories in his series before turning to Captain Janeway who finally stood up from the Captain's Chair. "Katherine?"

"Thank you Jonathan," Captain Janeway said. "There are three divisions this year in the Best Voyager Story. For Best Voyager Vignette:

1st - Top Ten Things I Learned from Watching Star Trek: Voyager by Elizabeth Helena
2nd - Best Woman Wins by Cait N.
2nd - O is for Ocampa by Cait N.
2nd - Sultry by vanhunks
2nd - Therapy by Darksusie

"For Best Voyager Short Story:

1st - Long Haired Lovers by Mandy
1st - Small Packages by Mandy
2nd - Sweet Thing by Darksusie

"And for Best Voyager Novel:

1st - Body and Soul by Darksusie
2nd - Command Possession by Mel Blue
3rd - It Takes Two to Tango by Darksusie
3rd - The Fleet Way by Darksusie
3rd - The Other Resolutions by Darksusie

"A round of applause for the Voyager winners, please," Captain Janeway ordered. After the applause, she remained in front. "Now it's time for a few bests of particular types of stories, by last name, Gentlemen?" The other captains nodded. "Jonathan?"

"Thank you Katherine," Captain Archer said, switching places with Janeway "The Golden O for Best Drabble is:

1st - To Tell the Truth by Cait N.
2nd - The Red Shoes Trilogy: Memento by Trekskitten
3rd - Devil's Gift by Mrs Spock
3rd - Miles to Go Before I Sleep by Mriana

"Katherine, your turn," Archer said, changing places with her again.

"Thank you Jonathan," Janeway said. "Our next award is for the Best Series or Suite:

1st - K/S/U Series by T'Prahn
2nd - ATC Series by Ster Julie
2nd - Pale Horses by Elizabeth Helena

"Jim?" Janeway prompted, returning to her seat.

Captain Kirk stepped forward. "Thank you Katherine. The next award is the Golden O for Best Challenge Response:

1st - A Drabble for all Series by Darksusie
1st - Ring of Fire by Acidqueen
3rd - (Wish I Had a) Heart of Stone by Cait N.
3rd - Chapter Thirty-Five: Captain Proton and the Voyage of the Damned by Mandy
3rd - Miles To Go Before I Sleep by Artemis
3rd - Put A Spock In It by Starshadow
3rd - The Captain’s Assistant by Mandy

"Jean-Luc?" Captain Kirk said, passing Picard as he returned to his spot behind the Command Chair.

"Thank you, Jim," Captain Picard said, stepping forward. "This award is the Golden O for Best Poem or Filk:

1st - Once Upon a Cold Dreary Night by Kelly Reiger
1st - Leaving Home by Starshadow
3rd - Imzadi by Mriana
3rd - Last Duty to a Friend by Kelly Reiger

"Ben?" Picard said, yielding the stage to Captain Sisko.

"Thank you Jean-Luc," Sisko said. "Concluding this rotation, I have the honor of giving out the award for Best All Series author:

1st - Cait N.
2nd - Elizabeth Helena
3rd - Darksusie

"Let's have a round of applause for these best of award winners." Sisko asked. After the applause ended, he spoke up again. "For the next round of awards, we've decided to rotate in order of seniority at last seen. As such, we needed another Captain. So, with three years seniority, I welcome Captain Hikaru Sulu of the USS Excelsior."

Captain Sulu stood up from where he was lounging with the reset of the NCC-1701 crew and took center stage. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm hear to announce the winners for the Golden O for Best Vignette. The winners are:

1st - ATC: For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky by Ster Julie
2nd - 5 Drabbles by Mark Russel Stanley
2nd - An Appreciation of Talent by Mandy
2nd - Business as Usual by Darksusie
2nd - Interruptus in Five Filks by Ster Julie
2nd - Spock's Brain by Starshadow
2nd - The Burning by T'Prahn
2nd - ATC: Bread and Circuses by Ster Julie

"Now it's time for me to hand the baton back to Captain Sisko, who had four year's seniority when he went to live with the prophets. Ben?"

"Thank you Hikaru," Sisko said, stepping back up to center stage. "The Golden O for Best Short is"

1st - First Contact by T'Prahn
1st - Sadhu by T'Prahn
3rd - What the Executioner Saw by T'Prahn

"And now, Captain Janeway, who spent seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Katherine?"

"Thank you, Ben," Janeway said, standing up "Do remember to return in time for your performance review. The Admiralty gets upset when they don't see you once every five years. The Golden O for Best Short Story goes to:

1st - Foolish Blood by T'Prahn
1st - That's What Big Girls Are Made Of by Lyrastar
3rd - The House Call by Lyrastar

"And now, Captain Jonathan Archer, who commanded the Enterprise NX-01 through her entire active duty service of ten years. Jonathan?"

"Thank you, Katherine," Archer said, as Janeway sat down. He took the spot center stage. "The Golden O for Best Novelette goes to:

1st - Letters From the Northern Continent by The Hoyden
2nd - Ship's Night by T'Prahn
3rd - Stuck in the Middle With You by T'Prahn
3rd - They All Fall Down by Djinn

"And Captain James T. Kirk, who commanded two Enterprises. Unfortunately for him, we ruled that his time as admiral didn't count, so he ended up with less seniority than he thought. Jim?"

"I'm still appealing that ruling," Kirk said as he took Archer's place. "Thank you Jonathan. For the Best Novella, the Golden O goes to:

1st - Diagnosis and Treatment of Ply's Disease by Lyrastar
2nd - Parallels and Intersections by Djinn
3rd - Uneasy Alliances by Djinn
3rd - Waltzing With the Muses by Djinn

"And now, the Captain of the Enterprise NCC-1701-E, Jean-Luc Picard," Kirk said. "He's the one who got us into this by grounding his Chief of Security. Jean-Luc?"

"Thank you Jim," Picard said, taking Kirk's place center stage. "And for the final award before we yield the stage to the Awards Staff, the Golden O for Best Novel goes to:

1st - The Price of Passion by T'Mara
2nd - The Island by T'Prahn
3rd - Joining by Djinn

"On behalf of all the Captains and Crews of Star Trek, I'd like to thank all the authors of this year's productions on ASCEM," Picard said. "Now before we yield the stage, we have one last number. Q!"

With that, the stage transformed. Suddenly it was the quarter deck of a sailing vessel, and all those on stage were dressed in the attire of the Napoleonic Era British Navy. Captain Picard was obviously dressed as the Captain. The other Captains had left the stage leaving him as the obvious star of this number.

Picard began to sing, "I am the Captain of the Enterprise!

And the crew replied "And a right good captain, too!

"You're very, very good,
And be it understood,
I command a right good crew,

"We're very, very good,
And be it understood,
He commands a right good crew.

"Though related to a peer,
I can hand, reef, and steer,
And ship a selvagee;
I am never known to quail
At the furry of a gale,
And I'm never, never sick at sea!

"What, never?

"No, never!

"What, never?

"Hardly ever!

"He's hardly ever sick at sea!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the hardy Captain of the Enterprise!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the Captain of the Enterprise!

"I do my best to satisfy you all--

"And with you we're quite content.

"You're exceedingly polite,
And I think it only right
To return the compliment.

"We're exceedingly polite,
And he thinks it's only right
To return the compliment.

"Bad language or abuse,
I never, never use,
Whatever the emergency;
Though "bother it" I may
Occasionally say,
I never use a big, big D--

"What, never?

"No, never!

"What, never?

"Hardly ever!

"Hardly ever swears a big, big D--
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the well-bred Captain of the Enterprise!
Then give three cheers, and one cheer more,
For the Captain of the Enterprise!

As the crews marched out, the stage changed back. After a moment's silence, the sound of a transporter filled the air, and Clara Sutter materialized. The young engineer was in her Princess attire, which appeared to have been packed up for some time, based on the easily visible folds.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Clara began. "I have been detailed to give out the Ruth Gifford Award for Non-Story Newsgroup Contribution. I'm afraid I don't have song and dance on the subject, I'm doing this because Marrissa's been grounded. I do, however, have the comments made about this year's winners. In third place is:

AcidQueen:

For collecting the stories posted each month, and creating the master list, with links, of all stories posted for the year. It was an invaluable resourse during the voting process.

"In second place:

Cait N:

If it wasn't for Cait, I would have missed deadlines, forgotten things, and made many more errors than I did. She was a lifesaver in size categorization, and continues to help with story collection for this year's archive update. Her challenges have kept me on my toes, and she has quickly become an irreplaceable fixture of the group. - Stephen

For outstanding work in categorizing all of the stories for the GO's. It is a monumental task, no doubt, and one that you do quite well

"And the Golden O for the Ruth Gifford Award goes to:

Stephen

Stephen does everything. He runs trekiverse.org, without which we wouldn't have so many stories that have disappeared through the cracks. He runs the mailing list and newsgroup, without which we'd have to find other places to read and post Trekfic. He runs the Golden Os, without which we wouldn't be voting here. He posts challenges that inspire us. He writes stories that interest us. He's the soul of the mailing list and I vote for him!

For his "insufficient reluctance" in all things. Whether it be maintaining the archives, organizing the GO's, or creating the many challenges that inspire us to write ... ASCEM would not be the same without him.

Clara finished reading the last comment and looked around. Spotting the next presenter, she announced, "And for our next award, Cait N!"

Cait tried to make her way daintily to the podium, but since she's never been called dainty a day in her life, ended up stepping on more than a few toes and almost tripping over someone's pet tribble at one point.

"At least I didn't fall down and bruise more than my dignity," she said to a round of chuckles. All seriousness now, she continued, "New authors in the group, to use a cliche, are like a breath of fresh air: we get to read new interpretations of well-worn themes, discover new voices and, on occasion, make friends we'll cherish for a long time. It's my pleasure to announce the Greywolf Award for Best New Author." She opened the enveloped, and said, "The winners are, of course:

1st - Maximum
2nd - vulcanprincess
3rd - CatalenaMara
3rd - Mandy

After Cait left the stage, escorted by Clara so she didn't step on any more toes, Stephen ascended the stage. "As coordinator, I have the honor of announcing the winner of our Best Author Award. While perhaps not as prestigious as the Alara Rogers Award over on ASC, this award is to my mind the highest honor in the Golden Os. It is very competitive, to the point that we have a tie for first, and a three way tie for third. This year's winners are:

1st - Cait N.
1st - Djinn
3rd - CatalenaMara
3rd - Lyrastar
3rd - Ster Julie

After a round of applause for the winners, Stephen announced, "Now, newly escaped from her room on the Enterprise-E, for our closing number, Marrissa."

Marrissa appeared on stage, sitting at a desk, quill in hand, and began to sing.

"Bed! Bed! I couldn't go to bed!
My head's too light to try to set it down! Sleep! Sleep!
I couldn't sleep tonight.
Not for all the jewels in the crown!
I could have wrote all night!
I could have wrote all night!
And ASCEM still begs for more.
I could have spread my wings
And wrote a thousand things I've never wrote before.
I'll never know What made it so exciting;
Why all at once My muse took flight. I only know when he
Began to write with me I could have wrote,
wrote, wrote all night!

Jean-Luc and Beverly entered from stage right, and began to try to change Marrissa into her night gown.

Jean-Luc sang, "It's after three now."

And Beverly continued, "Don't you agree now, She ought to be in bed."

Marrissa continued, nightgown over her head and uniform jumpsuit being pulled out from under it.

"I could have wrote all night!
I could have wrote all night!
And ASCEM still begs for more.
I could have spread my wings
And wrote a thousand things I've never wrote before.
I'll never know What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my muse took flight.
I only know when he
Began to write with me.
I could have wrote, wrote, wrote all night!

Jean-Luc pushed Marrissa gentlely back towards a bed that had been brought on stage, as the writing desk was taken away. "I understand, dear. It's all been grand, dear. But now it's time to sleep."

Marrissa, now sitting on the bed, continued to sing.

"I could have wrote all night,
I could have wrote all night.
And ASCEM still begs for more.
I could have spread my wings,
And wrote a thousand things I've never wrote before.
I'll never know What made it so exciting.
Why all at once my muse took flight. I only know when he
Began to write with me I could have wrote, wrote, wrote All night!

Marrissa fell back into bed, snuggled up with her pillow, and the lights went out on stage. The curtains dropped, and the credits began to roll.

Thanks to the entire Golden Os team:

AcidQueen, SoS FAQ Maintainer
Cait N. Categorizer, vote counter, and assistant.

The 2006 Golden Os Dinner includes material inspired by:

Deja Q
Ring of Fire as sung by the late great man in black, Johnny Cash
Alexander's Ragtime Band by Irving Berlin
"Anything Goes" from the musical Anything Goes by Cole Porter
"Hello Dolly" from the musical "Hello Dolly" by Jerry Herman
"Suicide is Painless" the M*A*S*H theme
"The Age of Aquarius" from the Musical "Hair"
"The Other Generation" from the Musical "The Flower Drum Song"
"The Lullaby of Broadway" from the Musical "The Lullaby of Broadway"
"My Gallant Crew, Good Morning." from the Gilbert and Sullivan show, "HMS Pinafore"
"I Could Have Danced All Night" from "My Fair Lady"

The End